Breast Milk Ice cream: it will ruin society

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Breast milk ice cream?

Have you heard about it yet, it went on sale yesterday in Covent Garden and is set to take the nation by storm. Major supermarket chains are said to be trying to entice nursing mothers for exclusive rights to their milk as they anticipate massive sales of this new delicious tasting ice cream.

The breastfeeding community stands divided as usual about this new usage of their produce. Some are up in arms and others are congratulating the women who have already turned their assets financial.

But has anyone stopped to think of the impact this is having on the cows as we all rush to London to try this new taste?

After advertising their milk for so long with the slogan ‘so good the cows want it back’ they must be kicking themselves now as the nursing community strolls into the milking parlour tips the cows over and hooks themselves up to the machinery whilst staring at a picture of their baby to get themselves going.

In more rural areas I have heard that young farm lads are refusing to come into work as the thought of ‘milking’ women old enough to be their own mums is simply too much for their testosterone driven bodies. It is in these areas that it is all very quickly going to rack and ruin as cows are laying down in agony, their udders leaking milk onto the fields as their lack of fingers and thumbs prevents them from using a breast pump. Crops are being damaged through the excess of leaking dairy and the farmers are loosing money hand over fist. Mothers are sitting in the parlour waiting for a young lad to come and literally take the cream off the top and once exclusively breast fed babies are sitting at home blowing angry raspberries at daddy who is daring to approach them with a bottle.

This overwhelming demand for breast milk ice cream is even affecting popular culture. I was reading “The Gruffalo” last night and was surprised to read that little mouse came across a lactating mother who thought the mouse looked good. Rest assured though she was also driven off by fear of the Gruffalo whose favourite food was, you guessed it, ‘breast milk ice cream.’

Breast milk ice cream eh? Its going to be bigger than Starbucks….

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By the way should anyone reading this blog wish to purchase my breast milk I am happy to sell.

I can offer it in a range of flavours:

Curried breast milk: medium
Banana breast milk: limited supply as I quite dislike bananas
Pinot Grigio breast milk: please note this is for over 18’s over and is priced higher as I only likes the good stuff.

12 thoughts on “Breast Milk Ice cream: it will ruin society”

  1. Ha. Very good post.

    I am very unbothered by the thought of breast milk ice cream. Presumably they will sell a bit of it, but the main reason for producing it is surely the free advertising that the controversy brings. I suspect they are slightly disappointed that there are no irate breastfeeding mothers picketing the shop.

    Since it has been eight years since I last breastfed, I doubt that even a gallon of pinot grigot would help me produce ice cream.

  3. One of my friends had a rant about how disgusting it was. I then pointed out that we are pretty much the only animal that goes out of its way to drink milk from other species. Which is pretty disgusting if you think about it. At least breastmilk is ‘natural’ to us as humans.

    Oh – and do you do chocolate flavoured too?

  4. Love the post.

    When I first read the news about this I had questions:
    Cows have to go through loads of test, adhere to a lot of regulations and they only eat grass. How are they going to regulate women?

    Seriously, why are people so bothered. If one woman decides to sell her milk why should another woman have a say? I wouldn’t eat it but it’s none of my business if someone else does.

    Money on it being a blokes idea.

  6. Haha love it!! I thought the flavour of breast milk can change after every meal, wonder how they’ll keel the flavours consistent. You also made me picture a cow trying to express its own udder!! … Tis late, I must sleep!! :))

  7. What’s the going rate? I’d order some Pinot but I’m not such a fan. Could you do a Sauvignon Blanc variety for me?

    Or even a rich red; they usually give me heartburn & the milk would be a natural antacid.

    I think you’re onto a winner here! 😉

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