Sleep, I love sleep. I also love bed so I am always up for a threesome with sleep and bed together.
Today I am trying to cover up the fact that far too many people slept with bed last night and sleep buggered off and left me in the middle of the night.
I have bags under my eyes that you could pack for a fortnight’s holiday in. My nerves are on edge as I think of ways I can try and win back sleeps affection, whilst I also focus on trying not to scream and shout at my family like a petulant child as they continue to pester me with stupid questions as we drive down the M1 back home from our stay in a hotels ‘family room’ last night.
Anyway it appears sleep has ran off with someone else because he is adverse to the cries of my ten month old daughter. Bed also doesn’t want to play if sleep doesn’t get involved.
From two till five last night my smallest child wailed, giggled, moaned, whimpered and fed in excessive amounts; unfortunately for me and sleep she was in a travel cot on my side of the bed. Sleep had enough by 2.10am; he quickly pulled his trousers on and swiftly exitted the room muttering ‘bloody baby’. Bed would have taken off as well but I sat on him so he couldn’t escape. My fourth sleeping companion, he who helped create them, also tried to ignore the tears and tantrums from me and BB but I persevered in poking him awake purely because misery likes company.
2am turned quickly into 3am; and I really mean quickly as sleeps parting gift as he slammed the door on his way out was to rudely steal an hour of time and push the clocks forward.
BB, the child I idolise and adore, made my night a living hell. Clearly it would be wrong to have got cross with her so instead I channelled all my anger and moodiness towards he who helped create them; who in turn could not do right for doing wrong.
“You try and settle her.” I commanded, followed swiftly by “don’t bloody talk to her fool!”
At one point as BB reduced him to giggles by laying in her cot shouting her one word “momma” I thought of ways I could try and get away with murder and the poor fella hadn’t really done anything.
Eventually being the woman I am I took one for the team; and not in the way I used to at four am. I sat with BB whilst she latched on and off for an hour until five am when eventually sleeps little brother nap took her out for a date to give me some respite. I even managed, with immense self restraint, to not try and remove he who helped create them’s nostrils with blunt scissors as he snored his way through that final hour.
The twins leapt out of bed with their usual passion at seven; I can barely see through the pin pricks that are my eyes this morning.
However this thing between BB and nap seems to be getting serious, she has already had a second date this morning. I am really hoping she brings him home to meet me this afternoon as I would love to spend some time with him myself.
If anyone sees sleep please tell him I am sorry and to please come home; me and bed need him.
Very clever metaphor usage going on! Hope you and sleep get it on soon!
thanks, me too
The law od sod strikes again
does indeedy
I have a confession to make: I think sleep’s been cheating on you with me. He also made an appearance last night in my bed and then quickly left – by the sounds of it he then went to you and maybe onto someone else. Bastard.
bloody toe rag….
anyone else?
Brilliantly funny. I actually laughed out loud! This is exactly how my nights go …every night. I think sleep and I are getting a divorce, certainly not on speaking terms. Loved the “dont speak to her” line…I also use “dont play with her, its not play time its sleep time!”
I hope u get some sleep soon and OH does not snore too loudly tonight x x
I just had eight hours – heavenly
this is so funny! I don’t think Sleep visits family rooms, well he’s never visited ours, especially those in overheated Travelodges on the North Circular!!!
x
maybe he is banned!
Love it! I think sleep left me last night night too. Probably because he stayed a bit longer on Sunday morning and i took full advantage. I regretted it last night though when baby thought it was play time at 10pm!
Look at you hanging on to sleep; that reninds me next time he pops by I am shackling him to the bed!
Sleep and I had a trial separation for months until DD made friends with him and started sleeping through herself and then he sloped back to me and to be honest I welcomed him with open arms. Had to laugh at you poking your other half because he was asleep when you weren’t – have to confess I’ve done that too!!