I was queueing up in the beauty line in the womb when patience was being handed out two rows down; consequently I have an incredibly short fuse which is set off easily, and mainly by twin boy.
So I try to avoid situations where I will end up screaming like a mad banshee in public. I plan potentially stressful situations well in advance so I can get through the day with my children intact.
Sometimes it goes wrong…
I am currently inflicted with working mothers guilt. As a cure I am using the spend more time with them cream. In my attempt to ensure they don’t end up deeply flawed by my absence in their lives four days a week I have taken them on memorable excursions, most of which leave me hugging the gin bottle for comfort most weekend evenings.
Today is no exception, our excursion is equivalent to a descent into madness. Myself, bb, twin boy and girl are travelling alone, by bus, train, and tube to the big smoke on a rather hot and humid day to explore the delights of the science museum. He who helped create them is playing cricket and heading to the pub; in his role as daddy daycare he is exempt from working parents guilt.
But anyway, I digress…
I planned the day well, picnic was made the night before, all the kids reverted to type and were up at six to allow for plenty of time to make our nine oh two train. We arrived at the station, bought breakfast, and a paper (a girl can dream can’t she) and we waited on platform five for the chuffaluffa to arrive.
At nine oh one we heard the following announcement.
“Platform alteration. The nine oh two train to london paddington will now depart from platform nine.”
The other passengers started to panic like startled chickens. Clucking in anger they started to trot to the stairs, whilst I gathered up the twins, wrenching sausage baguettes from their paws and throwing bags onto the sleeping monkey in the buggy.
Then our six legs headed towards the lift which creaked to our level with the pace and haste of an elderly gentleman waking up in the morning. The doors cracked open before us and like a tornado we spun inside pressing buttons madly.
We crawled to the next floor, the slowness of the lift infuriating me and lighting my fuse. The doors eased open and we spilled out, raced across the landing and found the lifts twin brother waiting to deliver us to platform nine. Again speed was not a built in characteristic of lift two and again we stood twitching on a agonisingly frustratingly slow descent. The doors eventually slid open and from our vantage point inside the lift we watched the doors of the nine oh two direct to london paddington slam shut.
I choked back fumes of irritation,which were not helped by twin boys nonchalant statement of;
“Whoopsy daisy! Missed that then.”
But then suddenly music to my ears came over the tannoy.
“The next train to depart for london paddington is the delayed eighty fifty leaving at nine oh eight from platform…”
You guessed it, bloody platform five.
It was like carry on meets wacky races as we reversed our route; sandwiches flying out of the buggy as we flew back across the platform heading to the lifts. Up and down we travelled and we arrived back on platform five. Again the doors of the lift cranked open and in perfect symmetry the train doors slammed shut.
In the pit of my stomach I dragged a smile as actually even I could see some humour in the image of one unkempt woman and three kids leaping from platform to platform.
However this went on four more times; my sense of humour died and crawled up the station guards backside.
We eventually made the train, I was a wreck.
I can’t even begin to blog about the tube; let’s just say it involved steps, stairs, a buggy, a wailing baby and mischievous twins and a whole bunch of tourists.
I’ll be having the gin at lunchtime I think…
oh blimey! My blood is boiling just reading this…….I think I need a gin now too! x
*pours gin, no ice*
This made me giggle also I knowthat this will have been easy in comparison to facing the lofts of the under ground. Experiencing it once is enough! Hope the science museum made up for it x
Don’t mention the underground..
All this and you’ve managed to blog about it already? You’re like superwoman. I literally don’t know how you do it. I’ve been to London once with the baby and said it’s not going to happen again until she can walk. Buggies and trains don’t mix.
I blogged for sanity!
We done London Zoo & the London Eye with a 2.5yo and a 3 month old. We took one buggy and a sling. I ended up with a slipped disc and sciatica so bad I ended up in A&E.
The next time we done the trip there were no buggies involved. Much simpler all round. Hats off to you for surviving!
She was in sling for most of day but needed to buggy to carry picnic….
I was cringing all the way through that and had to force myself to read till the end as I just wanted to punch the station master for you.
You deserve a medal! So make the gin a double 🙂
Thanks and I will!
Thank god we live up north, remind me to only visit the big smoke when the 3yo is 10! Sounds like an experience and a half lovely xxx
hmmm, the day was fab, the journey exhausting x
You are one brave lady!!!!! I’ve done London with
Hubby & 2 kids & needed the gin!!!!!!
Have gin, am happier now!
I applaud you, i wouldn’t even attempt something like that, even if hubby was with me! I hope you did manage to have a good time in the end. Was the gin good?
the gin was replaced by wine but yes was lovely,
the day was fab although the journey there and back is not to be repeated!
x
Oh my god I would have given up you are a better person than me that is all I can say xx
Hehe thanks
I would’ve gone somewhere else after the first train left! I’m in awe at your patience..or is it persistence?
The latter…
Omg just taking a baby on the underground is a mission enough. Brave brave woman!
He who helped create them says stupid stupid woman
You are a braver lady than me. I hate doing London with all the kids alone, I have heart palpitations on the escalators on the tube!
Mich x
They are terrifying! Twin boy skips down them
I would never have made the 9.08, I would have been too busy making a screaming scene on platform 9 in the vain home they hold up the train for me and I can stroll between platforms. Your working Mother’s guilt is impressive.
i tried that with the 9.29 – doesnt work
You know these kind of days are the ones that your kids will always remember though right? These kinds of crazy ventures are the ones that keep me from drowning into the boredom of suburban childrearing. Hats off to you, great post.
To be fair! The actual days was awesome; kids were so well behaved. But I shudder at the thought of the tube again 🙂
Ps take that ha ha ha ha!
Hehehe. If anyone wants to know the in joke pop over to penny’s blog!
My friend Helen sent me this today as I am planning a trip to London, on public transport, with a baby, twin boys and 9 yr old girl, in the summer and she thought it would put me off!!! It hasn’t, it’s just made me dread it more! I think i may have Single Mums Guilt!
Any advice that isn’t ‘Dont Go’ would be gratefully received!!
Hehehe, don’t pay any attention to helen! You go and enjoy, just slip some gin in your hand bag!
It’s days like these where being a multiple mother really pushes it’s limits 🙂 Glad to hear the rest of the day was pretty good. We have ventured to London several times with our twins, for the most part pretty good but the tube was a tad stressful, buggy under one arm, daddy with the six bags and two small hands….
🙂 x
No gin?
I only live a half hour out of London but I’m adamant that the kids aren’t taking the tube until they’re old enough to navigate it themselves (and maybe then they can show me how…)
Get them ponies instead?
Now that, Jane, is one of your better ideas.
There’s a riding school across the road so maybe I could get them to half inch a couple..
Always come to me for advice! I am full of it…..
You have some great post titles here!
Anita
Bath Bomb Creations
I hope you made it a large one!!
Do you ever feel like someone else is having a laugh?
Bloody always!