To a Teen…

by

Dear teenaged self,

For the love of god take that bloody hideous over sized Manic Street Preachers T-Shirt off and burn the indie flowery skirt.  Enjoy the sensation of having a stomach that doesn’t ripple when you laugh and fold over the top of your jeans,  wherever possible expose it by wearing crop t-shirts or bikinis – even when it is cold.

Stop the moping about, Brett Anderson will never marry you and Kurt Kobain isn’t really one to aim for a lifetime commitment.

Be happy, enjoy the sunshine as you walk to school in the morning to classes you know deep down you enjoy.  Revel in the joy of not having to face the nine to five grind that will arrive at your doorstep before you have time to realise.

And listen to you mother, put the fag out, it’s not cool.  If you still insist on having a crafty one then let me assure that chewing gum and Anais Anais will only result in exaggerating the smell of B & H not removing it.

The DJ boyfriend? Yup, sorry again, your mother was right again, not worth it.  Although the break up will send you round the globe for some amazing experiences so some good will come from it.

Avoid all drinks with the words “diamond” or “mad dogs” in it.  If you must drink (and really you are too young) then at least be civilised and pour yourself a nice cool G and T.  Plus nothing screams underage more than an overdressed, heavily made up young girl in her mothers heels who is asking for ‘Hooch’ at the bar.  Try the same approach but with ask for a G and T with a slice and you just may get served at the Ritz club on a Saturday night.

That eyebrow piecing you are hankering for?  It will leave you scarred for life, hurt like hell,  and break your mother’s heart.  But it is worth it because until the infection kicks in for a couple of days you will look the dogs bollocks.

Finally, go easy on your mum, one day you will have three of your own and then, only then, will you truly understand.

Lots of love,

Your older, not much wiser, but slightly scarred self,

Xxxx

26 thoughts on “To a Teen…”

  7. Love it! Hooch? I was an archers and lemonade girl, did the belly bar instead of the eyebrow which is not nice when pregnant and smother myself in So! And my attired was white skin tight flares and platforms! Oh the 90’s were cruel!

    So funny…a great take.

  8. I think we would have got on very well as teenagers. I also owned a flowery indie skirt, Manic Street Preachers top and hankered after Kurt Cobain. I also wanted to be Justine Frischman out of Elastica and cut my hair in a desperately unflattering boy’s haircut. Which I then died bright red. Because clearly my hair didn’t look bad enough. No piercings for me though – although the NLM had piercings in both his eyebrows, his lip and his bellybutton. He also had dreadlocks and then ditched those for a mohican. This is the cause of quite a bit of amusement amongst my family.

    I think you should bring back the eyebrow piercing…

  9. Having just spent yesterday at Sonisphere festival with my oldest 2 teenagers this made me chuckle ! I see them growing up and finding their own identity and it brings cringeworthy flashbacks to me at their age – joe bloggs jeans, happy mondays t-shirts, fat willys surf shack stickers and my trusty dm’s. I still feel like a teenager but like you said with the “Enjoy the sensation of having a stomach that doesn’t ripple when you laugh ” I find myself getting a slap of reality when I spend time around scantily clad teenagers who’s waists are the size of my forearm !!!

  10. Great Blog 🙂

    I Love this ! It has me thinking about what I would write to my teenage self. I always wanted my eyebrow pierced but never went through with it. I did get my first tattoo at 17 though and one of my first experiences of Alcohol was Hooch.

    Thanks for stopping by my Blog x

  11. Oh I always wanted an eyebrow piercing my ex had one and I loved it but he was an indie type of person and it looked cool on him. Maybe not so on me! xx

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