Sing hallelujah & carrot infested poop

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It’s done, it’s over and the relief on my offsprings faces is more than apparent.

Santa has sodded back off to Lapland and is currently detoxing after consuming an almost deadly excessive mix of whiskey, beer, milk and cookies, mince pies, and biscuits all in one night and Rudolph is laid in the stable surrounded by glowing orange piles of reindeer poop as the elves have thrown a revolt and refuse to clear up his carrot infested shite any more.

Meanwhile back in my home in sympathy with the elves the children have set fire to the nice list and are cruising around the home like maddened animals.  My simple threat of ‘Santa is watching’ no longer has any impact, in fact Twin Boy went as far to curse Father Christmas today by crying ‘Santa! Ha! he is resting up for the winter and has better things to do than to watch us for a while’ and so the anarchy has continued.  They tear through the house leaving a trail of toys behind them, the TV seems to be stuck on some cartoon channel and to add to the horror the full collection of Disney songs booms out from the CD player.

I keep finding pine needles embedded in my toes and tinsel in my pockets, BB, just for fun, keeps studiously stripping the lower half of the tree and carefully leaves the baubles behind doors and on stairwells then sits back and waits for the action to begin, happily laughing as one of her beloved family either crack one underfoot and sever their nerve ends in their feet or merely just go arse over tit you’ve been framed style.

For me the realisation than Christmas is over means I have to adjust again to eleven more months of using a naughty step as a means of punishment and it just doesn’t carry the same weight as the words ‘but you will get NOTHING’ it also means that I must spend tomorrow night letting out the elastic in my trousers to ensure that I can encase my new body shape in clothes suitable for work.

The ho ho ho has left this house leaving in its wake two very loud children, one clever little baby and two utterly knackered parents.  However as I write these words a slow smile snakes across my face, one that reaches to my eyes and sends a blossoming red glow across my cheeks, it may be eleven months till advent drops on us once more but it is only twenty-four hours until school starts again.

Sing hallelujah, we are saved, just one day left to struggle through until daycare starts again.

It feels like Christmas has come early already this year!

 

 

45 thoughts on “Sing hallelujah & carrot infested poop”

  4. Haha lived every word I even nearly used the Santa won’t come phrase as my last nerve was shredded !! Today , my son has had the worst day of the year today (thankfully we are on day 1) and my daughter has been upset “so bad, cos I was asked to go down stairs twice ” bring on the next 374 days looking forward to every one of them !! ( if the White van doesn’t call first ) hope you continue to have a great year x

  7. Oh god I know the feeling. I can’t believe I no longer have the threat of Santa to control my hyperactive daughter.
    I was actually pleased to pack away the decs this year. But we are still overrun with toys
    Evey @ polythene pram
    X

  9. I’m joining you in letting out the elastic on the trousers. How does one cope with jeans that don’t fit though? Is it considered unacceptable to wander around with your flies undone?

  10. Ohh same scene here I am afraid. I go back to work tomorrow and the kids on Wednesday, they are so ready for some seriosu routine and discipline agian!

    aggghhh, get me out of here!

    Mich x

  11. This sounds just like my house today, instead of the elastic pants I am opting for a dress so i don’t feel squashed into my work pants all day tomorrow. Having just totalled up my weight watchers points for today and its 38 eeek, and that’s without any chocolates for the first time in weeks. Its going to be a long January

  12. This sounds just like my house today, instead of the elastic pants I am opting for a dress so i don’t feel squashed into my work pants all day tomorrow. Having just totalled up my weight watchers points for today and its 38 eeek, and that’s without any chocolates for the first time in weeks. Its going to be a long January!

  14. I think I like BB, she is really VERY creative 🙂 btw mine don’t go back to the 9th either…we have a completely pointless extra week in Ireland and I am at zombie stage already..

  17. It’s a shame we can’t threaten that Santa won’t visit any more, but I’d love to know if anyone has actually carried out that threat. Maybe we all should have done and we’d have better behaved children?

  18. Hehe, I had a giggle at BB leaving baubles all over the place. Hope you’re nerve endings are ok. I need to let the elastic, and possibly extra material, out from all my pants. I become a BOTTTOM next week. Arrrgh!

  20. I love that you have glitter in your pockets. You sound like a fairy!
    Christmas is a funny holiday, too much spoiling and tnot enough time outside. Don’t think it’s good for anyone. Hope the return to routine helps.

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