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You know you are a mum when….

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 You know you are a mum when….

….at work you have to sit on your hands to prevent you licking your thumb and wiping biro from a colleagues chin.

…when it is acceptable behaviour to inspect your children for nits whilst queuing to pay for supermarket goods.

…when your idea of a good night out involves being home by eleven.

…you suddenly realise the tune that has been caught in your head all day is in fact the theme tune to The Teletubbies.

…you start seeing children in the street and commenting on how they have grown.

…your recent google search streams are ‘soft play opening hours’ rather than ‘closing time of club’.

… human excrement is simply a part of everyday life.

…you start looking at nappy bags with the same passion that was once reserved for Mulberry.

…you snap at fully grown men to stop sniffing and blow their nose.

…sex is passed over in favour of sleep.

…peeing with an audience is not a sexually deviant act.

…you whoop with excitement at two for one on nappies and wipes.

…a muslin is counted as a fashion accessory.

…your family holiday costs more than a small bungalow.

…you feel an urge to learn baby sign.

…singing nursery rhymes in public whilst sober isn’t embarrassing.

…you call your own mum for advice.

Feel free to add your own….

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54 thoughts on “You know you are a mum when….”

  1. When someone is sick in the car and you have a bag full of spare clothes for you and them ready to use, because you’ve already leapt into action to catch / contain it, so that you “spare” the car and your child, before yourself.

  2. ….you open your handbag to find a nappy, wipes and a change of toddler clothes instead of make up, perfume and a full to the brim diary!!

  4. When you find yourself gently pushing the shopping trolley backwards and forwards , sometimes pushing it with your hip, whilst you wait in the queue or chat to someone, like you are shushing your carrots off to sleep in the pram!!

  6. You don’t mind going out with yogurt smeared up your sleeve – it’s easier than washing or changing it…

    And for my hubby… Well, he is able to catch an emerging poo with his bare hands…

  8. When you rush out of the house, not realising that you’ve got dried up oats, a little poo and the faint scent of vomit on your clothes…:)
    I can relate to all of these…a little too well 🙂

  9. When you have a better idea of how many ounces of milk you pumped and how many poos your baby has done recently than when you last had sex or a shower.

    Funny lady 🙂

  10. Oh heck yeah to all of these! And when you’re half way through the Nursery Rhymes CD before you realise that you’re still listening/singing to it even though you dropped the little one at nursery 15 mins ago.

  14. So true, too true, aggghhh!!

    My add:

    When you look out of the window at a nice weather day and think, “oooh great, I can put the washing out on the line”.

    Just shoot me now.

  15. So true, all of them and the ones in everyones comments! Here’s my additional one

    – You have biceps the size of Wales due to lugging around small children and all their paraphenalia. Childless women admire your strength.

    – You dare not sneeze before you have composed yourself. Pelvic floors just not what they once were…

  16. Nights out end at 11pm?! You wild and reckless creature! All my dinner party guests are turfed out by 10pm! If they don’t take my sudden abandonment of small talk as a hint I go and start the washing up.

  17. I wrote this very post a couple of years ago when I first started blogging, it was even a meme with a badge and everything for a little while! Things have changed a bit here since then and now I would add ‘You spend a ridiculous amount buying your son a suit for his Prom meaning you can’t afford to buy anything for yourself for BritMums Live…and you don’t mind!’

  18. I still take out a change of clothes for my little un (it’s become an often very useful habit) and I have to stop myself shouting tractor everytime I see one!!!!!!!

  19. great list….and one I thought of today…..when the only umbrella you can find is a Dora the Explorer one…..

    you best not be in bed by 11 tomorrow night! x

  21. You walk in zig zags through the house because you know exactly where each creak in the floorboards is. Can relate to all of these, so funny!

  22. When you’re in a toilet cubicle in a department store and your 2 year old loudly applauds your efforts with “You did it Mum! You did a poop!”

  23. When your drinking buddy updates their facebook status to say they have just got in from a night out…. and I have just got up for the day… (actually happened this very morning!) …sad times (but I wouldn’t have it any other way!). x

    • ha ha! That was me last night! I actually strolled in at 3.40am 😀 But while out, I thought of this blog…

      …you know when you’re a mum, when you’re out for a night with your mates, drinking, when you tell them to watch where they are walking. (There wasn’t something pleasant on the pavement lol!)

  24. … when you sit there in adult company (rare rare rare) and pick off a dried-on tomato pip – forgotten remnant of an earlier toddler snack – from your jeans and pop it into your mouth as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and not quite revolting actually. You know when you in the company of another mum because she will not bat an eyelid.

  26. You smell of baby vomit rather than Chanel No.5 & people say I love the smell of a new baby, it’s vomit!

    You’d rather get up early to get to swimming before there is a queue rather than spend all day in bed nursing a hangover.

    You can go two days without a shower and as long as you can pull your hair into a ponytail it doesn’t bother you too much, you actually forget until you see someone you haven’t seen for years!

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