Here we go again: back by the hospital cot….

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It is amazing what I know this evening that I didn’t know this morning.

I now know that a blood sugar of 29 is classed as diabetic, I also know that a blood sugar for a six-year-old girl should be five.  I now know that my lovely eldest girl is terrified of needles but can paint the bravest of faces.

I now know how it feels to have a diabetic daughter.

I have to be honest, I am not a fan of my new-found knowledge.  In fact if we are talking about being honest then I am completely fecked off.  The past two years have been interspersed with visits to hospitals, nights on wards and ambulance rides .

I thought it was over.

BB is well on the road to recovery and only a little limp remains to document the traumas her body went through at the start of the year.

But once more as the nights start to darken earlier I find myself blogging from a hospital cot settling in for some new life changes.

Twin girl has caused me to panic for a while, the house move didn’t seem to make her smile and night-time brought wet beds and sad tears.
We thought it was the move, the changes in our lives, we didn’t realise the wetting of the bed was a sign of something darker lingering in her body.

It seems when we moved house we left her pancreas behind.

We went to the doctor as a routine check, just to make sure all was well and the problem really was mental.

It isn’t.

She drinks so much to combat the dryness left by an absence of insulin, she drinks so much she can’t make it through the night.

We left the doctors directed straight to A and E and suddenly I saw my child. Pale with brown hollows round her eyes, cracked lips, lethargic, always thirsty…
How did I miss the signs?  Was I so busy working that I didn’t see my daughter going rapidly downhill.  Is it possible to appease that guilt?

We are here for a couple of days until the sugar is controlled and then Twin Girl faces a life of injections until medical science figures out a better way.
Phrases like ‘hypo’ ‘diabetic coma’ and ‘blood sugar’ already feel common place on my tongue.

I remind myself once more that it isn’t cancer, it’s not curable but it could be worse.

But for one day I want to tell the world to piss off and leave my kids alone, I want to wrap up my health and leave it for my girls under the Christmas Tree.

I don’t want this for her.

61 thoughts on “Here we go again: back by the hospital cot….”

  1. Oh Jane, that’s just so awful x In my Y6 class we have a boy diagnosed as Type 1 diabetic in the Easter Holidays, this year. His mum has been amazing. You will be amazing . Granted he is three years older, his mum told him about Steve Redgrave. He’s handling it really well. We at school have been well trained up, we know the signs. The school nurse is great. I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking bout you and that it’s a tough journey you embark on but you’ll have a whole heap of people with you xxx

  2. OMG Jane. I do not know what to say. Life is shit, but again you will all get through this. you are strong and together you are stronger. I can not believe that Pippa has just gone through this with BB and now you are going through it. YOu have my number should you need to offload. I love you all and being the insomniac I am call anytime, the RBH can be a lonely place at night.

  3. I have nothing constructive to write. I am sorry about that. Just want to say, that I’m so sorry it’s gone to Rat Shit for you again. It’s too much. I hope you and your family are all back on the road again soon. Much love. And sorry again for having nowt constructive to write other than xx

  4. Am so sorry, your poor little mite. And poor you. There is NOTHING worse than seeing your child ill. I know it is not much comfort at the moment but my PhD was based around diabetes, though mainly focused on eyes. However, I did come across lots of fabulous new research into treatments that don’t have to involve injections etc so hopefully it is something that with time she, and your family, will find easy to manage and not cause her too much disruption. Sending hugs x

  5. Nothing more to say than what I texted you just now. Your beautiful family deserves a bloody break. Please do let me know if I can do anything to help, you know I’m just up the road. I love Mol and know she’ll be a brave girl. But you must promise me you won’t blame yourself for any of this for a second. You’re an absolutely amazing mum. xxxx

  6. I’m a diabetic too, but an adult with type II, and I often get cross about how unfair it all is that I have to take tablets every day for the rest of my life.

    And then I read posts like this and I realise what a whinging bitch I am and how I take my health for granted. I’m so sorry that you’re all going through this and that your daughter is feeling so rubbish. I know you’ll handle it all brilliantly and with the right diet she’ll be back on top form in no time.

    In the meantime, I’m sending mental hugs. xx

  7. I’m so so sorry to hear. I don’t know what to say to make it better but I kind of know what it feels like all though it’s MS I have, not diabetes and it’s me not my child. But I fear I have passed on the the genes for them to get MS. Sorry, actually just trying to tell you I admire your way off handling everything coming your way. I enjoy reading your blog and you are very fantastic.

  8. You didn’t miss the signs Jane; you got treatment long before the onset became an emergency. Sending you a useless internet hug x

  9. I’m so sorry to read this after all your family have been through, I completely recognise that feeling of guilt, of looking and thinking ‘how the actual F did I miss this’, but you are really have nothing to blame yourself for, this has crept up, not happened overnight, I remember getting Lucy’s eye and ear diagnosis and feeling appalled in that exact same way you describe. I hope life cuts you all a break soon and nights at home are more commonplace than nights by a hospital bed x

  10. I don’t have anything helpful to say other than to tell you that I’m thinking about you. I had a bad time last year with my 10 y/0 and at any point I would have happily changed places with her. Turns out she suffers from abdominal migraine and some sort of pre-maigraine auras which isn’t good but it’s a lot better than what we thought – we’ve found ways to deal with the tummy cramps and pains she regularly gets and although diabetes is obviously more serious than what Bethan has, you’ll find ways to cope too and it wont seem quite as bad in a few months time. When you get chance you should speak to @PippaD, she’ll have some great advice for you x x

  11. oh shit Jane, poor you…& poor Molly. I was going to ask you how she was getting on. Don’t beat yourself up about not seeing the signs, you just wouldn’t expect it. Take care & I hope you all get a break from this shit soon
    Big hugs
    xx

  12. I’m so sorry you all have to go through this. I can only imagine how you’re feeling and it’s not nice. But you will cope, just like you’ve coped before. You’re all amazing. Hugs to you and a kick in the nuts to karma, who seems to be completely fecking clueless lately. xxxx

  13. All I can say is that I can empathise wholeheartedly with writing from next to a hospital cot – it’s an experience that no-one would want to do once, let alone again and again. Sending you strength, love, bravery, determination and even more love

  15. Sorry to hear this, I know that doesn’t help, wish I could change things for you. Glad they have ‘found’ it though, and that they can do something about it. Hope you manage to leave and avoid the hospitals very soon, get back to the warmth and cosiness of home where it all won’t seem so bad. Sending virtual hugs x

  17. I cannot imagine having to go through all the crap that you’ve been through of late and being able to deal with it any way near as well as you have been. You rock. You really do. You have more support and love than you can imagine.

  22. So sorry to read this. I can’t believe you guys have been dealt a shit hand again!! You’re all so strong though and you will get through it. Don’t beat yourself up either, you’re a great mum! x

  24. How awful for you – it’s awful to think that you’ve just finished with all the medical stuff and think you’re just going to get on with a “normal” life. Sending loads of love to you and yours.

  27. Bless you my dear – such an utter shock, and don’t be too hard on yourself for not spotting the signs…you just don’t look for them as you don’t think its gonna happen. Life can be such an arse sometimes….

  28. Oh Jane, what horrid news! Don’t you beat yourself up though. If you’re not looking for signs of diabetes, why would you see them? I’m sorry this is happening.

  29. Oh my God. Sending you love and of course to your strong wee lass. Dear God. Take care. Sending you strength, support and love and I am so sorry.
    Take care,
    Liska xx

  30. Hugs to you Jane x No blame to you it does creep up suddenly but agree it is time you had a positive break. Your good hand will be dealt to you soon I am sure x Another test of strength but here like you, different reasons it would be nice to have a easy deal just for a while.

    Though I am suspecting you were missing that hospital tea x Yeah humour used, always deflects the crap, right? Keep strong Mrs, you will because that is what we do x x x

  31. What shit. But you will come through. And they will find a cure. There are some fantastic scientists out there looking for one and they will find one. It might take a few years yet, but I am convinced that BB will not have to live with it her whole life. In the meantime, she’ll get used to it and so will you (horrid though that seems). Lots of big cyber hugs to you all. T xxx

  32. Oh my goodness! I don’t know what to say. Life is definitely dealing you and your lovely children a shitty hand. How awful for twin girl. Hugs to you all. 🙁 maggy

  33. I am so sorry to hear your news. If it makes you feel any better (and I know it won’t), you get used to the constant needles to test blood sugar, administer insulin etc – after a while it just stops hurting and becomes routine but its still a miserable thing to go through. It sounds like you have a very brave young lady and I know you are a fab mum so you will get through this! Medical advances happen all the time and you never know what’s around the corner.
    My only advise is get yourself to your local support group – it really will help you and little one xx

  35. Twin girl is on the road to feeling better, even with the insulin and the horrible needles that she will always dislike, but hopefully will get used to. You did see the signs, which is why you too her to the doctors. In our family, I always have a bag of jelly beans as the sugar works quicker in them than glucose tablets for my mother if she hypo’s out and about.

    Best of wishes, and good luck to you all.

    x

  40. So sorry to read this, Jane. Life is so unfair. You’re a strong wonderful woman so you and your family will cope, but I realise that doesn’t help much at the moment. Be kind to yourself. Lots of love xxx

  41. Oh Hun, I hope you are ok. My mums whole family is diabetic and I am very high risk but it’s something I’ve seen since I was little with them. You can’t have known with the symptoms because they can be v v similar to just a very active child wanting to quench their thirst. I hope Twin girl is ok now. Sending you lots of good wishes and hugs.

  42. You all so need a break, I can’t believe that life can be so unfair 🙁 Hope you’re getting plenty of support in the hospital and that twin girl is coping as well as she can xx

  44. Sorry to hear this. Bless her little cotton socks. But from what i’ve read on your blog over last few months, you are made of strong, hardy stuff and will get through this. Sending you and your brave little girl positive thoughts xx

  45. Oh crap! What a shitty deal you’ve had this year 🙁 cant really think of anything better to say other than on the basis of the pleasure pain principle I hope fate is storing up something fecking awesomely good for you next year!

  46. Oh JP, I don’t really know what to say here that will make you feel any better about the crapness of this, but know that there is no way that this is your fault, don’t blame yourself, you are a fabulous mum with 3 cracking kids that are a testimony to that. Molls is a fighter and she will get through this and so will you. Sending you loads of hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxx Love ya

  47. Hello lovely lady. You’re allowed to be angry and f***ed off and all of those things. Of everyone you guys deserve a break and knowing it could be worse doesn’t mean it feels any less shite. You’re a brilliant mum, you’ll do great again and your lovely dancing girl will be back soon. Tell the guilty to feck off too. Thinking of you all and sending big squeezy hug from Scotland x x

  49. Can totally understand you wanting life to leave your kids alone for a while. So sorry to hear this news about Twin Girl. Wow – huge news for you all to cope with and digest. Big hugs all round xxx

  50. Oh love! What a year 🙁 Stop the guilty – it’s so easy to see the big picture with hindsight and it’s not the first thing anyone would think of. I hope her blood sugar balances and you get to grips with it soon. At least if she has to be diabetic, she has been diagnosed early and will be used to looking after herself before she hits her teens and the hormones unsettle things again. Lots of love to you and yours xxx

  51. Oh no – I am so sorry to hear this, especially after everything you have been through with BB. It feels like the hospital is an unwanted second home to you. At the very least you now know what the problem was – but so scary in the way it seemed to come from nowhere – the symptoms kicking in when you recently moved! Big hugs to you all. X.

  52. Oh Jane – what to say except thinking about all of you. BUT – it’s not fatal – it is manageable – and you WILL manage. love to all of you.

  53. I am really sorry to hear that you (and your little girl) find yourself at the foot of yet another hill to climb, when you so deserve some time on the level ground.

    I don’t have anything helpful to say; I am sure that this will all be taken in your stride and become a part of life, but it’s just not fair that it’s happened at all.

    Best wishes x

  54. oh god honey you do have a rough ride. poor little thing! I guess at least they know what it is and she can take steps to feeling better in herself, not easy and not nice though *hugs* for you all x

  55. Oh Hun. Big hugs to you. It will be tough for you but you are a tough cookie and you will get through this. I knew a girl at school who had diabetes and she was great with the daily injections and food restrictions. If twin girl is anything like her mother she will cope amazingly x x x

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