D is for diabetes – forever is a very long time….

by

It is 5.39am and it looks like sleep has left me for another woman as my eyes refuse to close and my mind is racing.

Two days have passed since the world tiped on its axis once more.

The last two days have been a practice for what will become real life, I have new skills, I am now qualified to inject insulin into a sobbing scared girl who is just starting to realise that this isn’t going away.

“How long do I do this for mummy?” She asked with a spot of hope in her eyes as she looked upon the breakfast needle.

I told the truth and a silent tear dripped down her cheek as she said;

“Forever is a very long time.”

But each needle gets a tiny bit easier and trust me she gets her revenge when she does a urine test and ‘accidentally’ wees on my hand.

I float between emotions of being perfectly fine to scared shitless.  Not known for my organisational skills how will I learn to count carbs, measure insulin, remember to give it to her, manage a hypo.

How will I ever let her out of my sight?

If she learns to self inject today we can go home; could I have stuck in needle in my thigh at six?

Then again if you had asked me on monday I would have swore blind I couldn’t put a needle in my child.

Home would be good, I hope the fairies have been round and cleaned it.

Sleep would also be a welcome friend just to ignore the words in my head for a while.

She is right through,  forever is a bloody long time.

54 thoughts on “D is for diabetes – forever is a very long time….”

  1. You’ve all been through such a lot in such a short space of time. But you’ve got a brave brood and if they’re good at one thing it’s sucking it up and getting on with it. I think they’ve inherited your northern grit! Love you all – let me know if you need wine or Mol needs someone to play Top Trumps with. You know where I am. xxx

  2. You are the most organised person I know and Mols is a little star. Very soon she will be showing off her needle marks to all her friends and twin boy will be wanting some too so he can be in the cool gang like his big brave sister! Thinking of you all
    It will get easier. Xxxxx

  3. If you ever need to write lots and lots of swear words down at 4am just cause you do. My email is there for you. I’ll take it for you x there will be a support network out there for you, lean on it. Sending you all love and I hope you get home soon x

  4. Having read this it sounds like you are going through a shit time. Keep your chin up lovely, this will become easier and before you know it, it will be part of family life. Keep smiling x

  5. Its life changing – but you are used to change. Mol is amazing and will get there. This is a huge change for you all and you are allowed to be sad and angry. I hope you get home today. xx

  8. Truly understand what you going thru. My baby borned 650g @ 29 weeks two years ago. He stayed in NICU for 3 months. Seeing all the needles and tiubs poking on his body makes my heart breaks then. But things will get better with time. Stay strong for your little girl.

    Jo

  10. Your BB is such a brave little girl. You are so brave!
    I can’t believe she actually injected herself. When I was 28 I was diagnosed with Pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. I needed heparin injections once a day. But despite being a nurse I couldn’t give myself an injection. They threatened to keep me in hospital, but it didn’t help. I simply couldn’t do it. Jay (my husband) learned how to do it instead and gave me my dqaily injections for 3 weeks.
    I was really angry at my body for not being able to keep me healthy and safe. I was angry at everything and couldn’t understand why this happened to me.
    I’m sure BB and you are going through the same thing. And I know that, just like I did, you’ll come through this. You’ll get used to it, how terrible that may seem at the moment. And BB, she’ll manage, she’s young and hopefully she’ll get used to the needles. They’re tiny, but they can look so big when they go into your own body…
    If you ever need to vent or just need some comforting words, drop me a line! I’ll be there for you, even if we’ve never met in real life.

  11. So sorry to hear this news for your little girl. Literally life changing. You’ve both been brave so far and you will continue to be, you just need some time to digest this. Your little girl will learn the skills she needs, she will. I know of another little girl who went throughthe same at age 4, not easy but she got there in the end 🙂 Thoughts and prayers to you all.

    xx Jazzy

  15. so sorry to hear you are going through this. I know in time things will be easier but it’s seems like a very tough road at the moment. Sending your little girl big hugs.

  16. I remember having to give my daughter injections when she was just a few months old, it wasn’t easy, but the alternative was worse, and you will find the strength to do what you need to, and i just know that your lovely girl will be brave too x

  17. Consider this comment a Northern punch in the shoulder, in place of a hug. The worst thing in the world is watching our children suffer, and I can only imagine how heart-breaking this is for you. But you’ll come through, and do it in style and with wit and wisdom. Honest.

  18. Sorry to hear you are going through this Jane, you have been through so much. I remember my best friend at school had diabetes- we used to be fascinated when we were 11 and she would get her insulin out and inject herself, however by then after living with it for so long it was second nature and she used to wonder what the fuss was about! And she used to get the boys flock round her cause she used to prick them with her blood sugar tests on the finger. 😉 As you do.
    I am sure it has advanced even more now but she had some really cool insulin pens with different patterns on catered for children. She is still in my life now and it doesn’t define her at all, in fact I forget she has it now we are in adulthood.
    Yes it sucks and it’s not a nice thing, I certainly would feel like that if it were me having to watch my little girl go through it, but it sounds like she is a strong cookie and it will get easier in time.

    Good luck to you all and sending hugs to your little girl. Xx

  19. You will adapt so quickly, honestly. You’ve been through a crap time recently but you’ve win every battle and you’ll win this one too. The food thing will come very quickly too and amazingly you’ll know which are ones to avoid and how to balance it all, just by glancing at your plate. She is so smart and it’s so impressive shes already doing her own injections.

  20. If I could clean your home I would. Was wondering all yesterday how I’d remember to inject my daughter if she was diagnosed – don’t even anoint her medical conditions when I’m supposed to – but I imagine something so crucial becomes routine. The fact that at a sleepless dawn you can still write with humour shows that you have the mettle to steer your little one reassuringly through this. In health terms she’s had a raw deal. In terms of the mother Fate dealt her, she’s blessed.

  21. God I feel so bad for your and her. GG is asthmatic and has to have the flu jab every year. You’d think we were chopping an arm off her every time, the fuss she makes about it. To inject every single day would be a horrific thought for her. And yet, she would learn to take it in her stride and be a better person because she learned to do it. She would have inner strength she didn’t know she had, and she would cope. I can say this as someone who lived with a Father who insulin injected all his life – I can honestly say his enjoyment of life was exactly the same. It’s gutting for a child to have to learn to deal with this, but she will, and I know you’ll be fine. I’m also pretty convinced there is a big dose of happy, lucky stuff waiting round the corner for your family soon! x

  22. enormous enormous respect for you and what you are all going through, those sorts of skills are the ones you hope nay pray you will never need, but you’ve learnt and mastered it now, onwards and upwards sunshine, Im hoping life cuts you a break sometime really soon x

  25. Oh love, yet another huge challenge for your family. Poor little sausage. Like Anna, if I could come and wave some fairy cleaning magic over your house, I would. Not prepared to do the same in my own house of course…
    Love, luck and hugs from Bibsey Towers xxx

  26. Oh goodness I’m so sorry you’re all going through this, it brought tears to my (hormonal) eyes reading your post. Hopefully in time it will become her new normal. Thinking of you x

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