Postcards from Portugal: When sleep deprivation kicks in

May 21st

Dear Mr. Postman,

Going to have to be a quick one today chap, I am at Zoomarine and am catching five minutes whilst the kids hurtle down a water slide in a dingy. Don’t worry I didn’t let the side down, I have been on already, the proof is evident in my bottom which is slightly soggy. Plus is the sun has finally decided to make an appearance so at least my arse will dry.

I am walking around in the most inappropriate clothing. I have on my swimsuit which frankly Mr P.does not support me in the way I need. Over the top I have an obscenely short sun dress which cuts down in a V to my waist exposing my swimmers underneath. Honestly in the UK I wouldn’t even open the door to you in this get up and if I did you would most likely ask me when I was due.

But I am in Portugal and it is all about the tan lines Mr P. And trust me I have seen so much worse than what I am wearing. If I had a euro for every tattoo dominated arse crack I have witnessed sticking out of a three sizes too small swimsuit I would be holidaying in a very different style resort next year.

But I digress Mr. P

Last night saw the impact of sleep deprivation hit all three kids. Usually they have 36 hours kip between them they are currently averaging about 24. Melt down was always on the cards…

Twin girl and boy managed through kids club with out any major problems and I took solace in the bath trying to get warm after a day of downpours. Then the tears began, twin girl collapsed in exhaustion with her blood sugars racing. Twin Boy sobbed for ten minutes over an inability to tie his shoelaces, BB cried because her handbag was empty.

It was all fecking irrational.

But we soldiered on.

I tell you though, Mr P, I was relieved when ‘Cartoon Heros’ played at the end of the mini disco and we all disappeared to bed.

So zoomarine, it is an aquarium filled with sea lion, and dolphin shows and a flipping huge shark and hilarious splashing sting rays. We all sat open mouthed during the Dolphin display and announced we would all be saving our pennies to go swimming with them next year.

Blimey is that the time?