Am I seriously ill?

I think I may be ill, or at the very least coming down with something.

I have taken my own temperature, checked my blood sugars and used a Peppa Pig stethoscope to assess my heart rate and all signs seem to indicate that I am fine.  This leads me to concur that I am obviously suffering from a silent killer.

Because I just said something out loud that could not have come from a medically well woman.

I just said…

“It will be a shame when the kids go back to school, it is lovely having them around more.”

I didn’t just say it, I thought it, and I am pretty sure I meant it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I am not like a lot of parents, craft brings me out in hives; and I am often found hiding in the toilet whilst the kids insert a two pence coin in the lock trying to break in so they can hang off my trousers some more.  I love my three offspring, but I can be still found searching eBay on occasion to see if it is legal to put kids on there yet.

Lets just say, parenting is not a natural skill for me, it is something I am always trying to master, like patience.

I know I can’t be well, only last week I went to the office for a few hours rest and tears filled my eyes when one of my co-workers offered me a cup of tea.  I had spent five days straight with my children and the only thing I had been offered was a half chewed hula hoop and the threat of being told on to Dad.  The simple kindness of a work colleague really hit home how hard the holidays can be with three.

But,

And it is a big but….

In between the shouting, the yelling and the constant chaos, the holidays have brought some laughs and smiles.  I spent 15 minutes rolling on the bed with Twin Girl this week, she later told me it was the ‘best time of her life.’  Whilst I instantly regretted the £1500 quid we spent on EuroDisney a few years back, my heart did swell a little at the thought that I had caused such happiness without spending a penny.

Twin Boy has been challenging in the weeks we have been away from school.  He is reluctant to change and like me, finds being enclosed at home overwhelming and stressful.  Today he worked his way into the crook of my elbow and rested his head upon my shoulder.  His little fingers found my hand and he squeezed it tightly, he looked at me with seven-year old eyes and muttered ‘I don’t want to be anywhere else but here mummy.’ Guilt and happiness rushed into my throat together, guilt lingered as I was literally just thinking about getting up to do some work, and happiness prevailed because the words made me feel flipping awesome.

So tonight, after checking all of my sleeping children, and stroking their cheeks as they slumbered, I returned to the lounge and sat with he who helped create them.

I reached for his hand and caressed his palm with my finger and said the words….

“It will be a shame when the kids go back to school, it is lovely having them around more.”

He turned to me, eyes deep with emotion, clearly overwhelmed by sudden earth mother mood.

“It will be a shame,” he agreed, “but think of all the money we will save on wine when you don’t consume this amount most nights.”

Suddenly it hit me, I am not ill – just a bit drunk!

Thanks god for that.