Lessons learnt as a mum to three primary school children

There is such a thing as a favourite child, however it changes on an hourly basis.

Giving them individual names was a mistake, I should have called them all the same, as the odds of getting their name right is a million to one.

That name should have been stop it or come here….

Investing in cream carpets was an expensive mistake.

Investing in baby massage and baby signing classes is another pricey mishap. I have done these three times and none of my children are capable of giving me a rub down and they all prefer to use shouting as a formality of communication.

When crossing a road with three, you always have to select one to walk who is not attached to your palm. Whichever one that is will always select            that day to fall over, do comedy walks, or mouth “call me” to any passing cars whilst making a phone sign with their hands. (another reason to not do baby sign….)

You may succeed to get them individually to sleep through the night. They will never do this all at the same time.

Despite weaning them all the same, feeding them the same foods, as soon as they turn three they will all like and dislike different foods. Despite your best efforts, eventually you will end up turning your kitchen into a cafe at breakfast and tea and cooking three different meals.

Sometimes keeping the peace is worth cooking three different meals for.

Potty training does not get easier third time round.

Weaning your first will consist of pureeing organic sweet potato for hours then removing the threads, your second will be fed on a combo of jars and some puree ( probably not sweet potato). Your third will simply have to chow down on whatever is in the fridge and like it or lump it.

Your third will be in nappies forever because you don’t want to ‘rush them’ (see previous point ).

Conceiving your first child will be done out of passion, your second will be conceived through reluctant sex because of a fear of the first being lonely. Your third will be rumoured to be an immaculate conception or a result of that one night when you attended a friend’s wedding and got to spend a whole day and night away from the small ones.

You may not actually remember conceiving the third….

Your childcare costs will always be more than you earn.

You will spend hours awake at night wondering how you will cover the school holidays if you work.

You will spend hours awake at night wondering how you will pay for three through University.

You will stare at mums of four in the same way mums of two stare at you….In sheer amazement of how they do it.

The hours between 3pm-8pm will never be your own again, you will merely be an unpaid taxi driver/children’s entertainer as one child enjoys an after school activity and the other two sit glum on the side.

You will have to buy a people carrier because they will all want a play date at the same time.

Keeping the peace is worth driving a people carrier for.

You will never pee alone.

You will never bath alone.

You will worry about the middle child.

You will keep Calpol next to the gin, for medicinal purposes.

The third child will always get away murder.

Chocolate will become an acceptable pudding by the time the third child can ask for dessert.

You will never lose all the baby weight from the third, it is a medical impossibility.

You will find that the wine starts to call your name from the fridge around 5pm.

You will always be proud of the days you wait until they are in bed to pour a glass.

On a good day you will consider having a fourth, on a bad day – adoption….

Eventually they will all move out, and rumour is, you will miss them….

 

(That’s a long way off)