Last year was immense, the act of separating from my husband caused my world to start to spin at a ferocious rate. Suddenly I became consumed with the desire to do something, anything, and everything. My year became full of adventures, I holidayed, I partied (like any nearly 40-year-old mum to three parties: in spanx, with Prosecco and home for midnight.) I lived life at a 100 miles an hour and never took time to think.
That was last year.
Then this year it seems like I crashed the car and am still battling to unbuckle the seatbelt to get out and survey the damage.
This year has been maudlin. Single parenting hit me in the face like a soggy tampon, and the realisation that I was financially, emotionally, and completely responsible for the three little people who were dragged from my womb for 91% of the time (yes I worked it out – we single mums of three have lots of time to do Maths) became overwhelming.
I’m not going to lie, rather than dance my woes away, or climb mountains, or try to breathe fire. I have spent much of the last nine months or so, eating biscuits, drinking wine, and hiding under my duvet whenever possible.
Its been miserable. I’ve cried more than I laughed, gained weight, neglected my fitness, and have not seen as much of my friends as I should. I have written very little.
It has not been a complete catastrophe of a year.
But in the main, well, it has been a bit shit. The doctor described me as a little bit depressed, with a ridiculous amount to deal with. She gave me pills to help cope, turns out they made me a lot more depressed and not really able to deal with the ridiculous amount I have to deal with. So I came off those and am just relying on my natural, jolly self to pull me through. Although when I get really fed up, my Dad will normally give me a call and play Bette Midler’s Wind Beneath my Wings down the phone to give me a boost.
It is a crime to the care community that, that man didn’t go into counselling.
But I think,
crosses everything,
I really do think,
that this chapter in my life is ending.
In one weeks time, I’ll be officially divorced, and living back in my home county. I’ll be making new friends, tormenting a new local hospital, and invariably joining a new ‘fat club.’ I’ll have my family down the road and already old friends are appearing in my life.
I’m ready.
I don’t need to live life at breakneck speed anymore, as I have learnt you must face the shite in order to deal with it. However an adventure or two would be nice.
I don’t think I need to spend anymore time sobbing into my pillow with a woe is me attitude, nor do I need to keep eating the biscuits and drinking the wine… (although both are habits that are hard to crack.)
I think I am ready to live life again.
And that feels good.
I hope this next chapter brings you immense happiness. Bloody hell, you deserve it!! I want to drive over to Yorkshire and give you a big hug. You are an awesome mum and you’ve always been an awesome Jane xx
Good luck with your move Jane, I look forward to catching up in September. Hugs xxxx
Any painful process has a grieving period, made up of various stages. I think you’ve made a fabulous decision for you. Your dad is ace and that seems reason alone to head north. I’ve heard your mum is great too. Obviously, that’s a win win. You will own this next chapter and for that reason I think it will be excellent. Sorry, I haven’t been in touch as much as I could have been – life gets complicated. I thought you were still in the gym obsessed, fire eating stage. Should have paid more attention. Can I have your new address. And ‘soggy tampon’ was that necessary? Eeeeew.
Onwards and upwards dude. (Or possibly Saturday only – a few downs) will miss you, but I’ll be over there seeing you and you can show me the sights. Xx enjoy the slower pace, don’t want to throw those years away xx
All the best lovely, I hope you settle right back into Northern lie very quickly. Mich x
Biscuits are Paleo. Honest. You take care love, I’m glad for you that the madness is over but we all need that when it’s happening eh? Excited to hear more news
Wishing you lots of luck for the move. It sounds like absolutely the best thing to be doing right now (besides – who wouldn’t want to live in the North!)
Wishing you only happiness from now on, fingers crossed this is the turning point for you.
Yay for new beginning’s, turning points and having a natural jolly self to carry you through all this.
Wishing you lots and lots of epic amounts of happiness and don’t run too fast as now you are in the country you may land in a cowpat 😉
Watch out Yorkshire, you have some one very special arriving home xxxx
Love this post and love you. Excited for your next chapter – and make no bones about it, we WILL be visiting on our way up the NLM’s neck of the woods!
Oh Jane, I had no idea things were so bad, you hide your sadness very well.
I hope things get better very soon and the move up north helps. xx
Oh Jane I want to come and give you a great big squeezy hug, please shout if you need anything. Except jokes, crap at those! Hope I get to see you soon and if not let’s organise a Northern schizzle. Lots of love xxx
Well done Jane and good luck with the move. I’m sure having a support network around you will make life a lot easier. But you’re still going to have to send the kids for sleepovers you know. Is there a trampoline park half way between us??