Healed through the love of a good mother

It’s become a tradition, every year, my lovely Mum and I take a trip to London for the weekend.  We watch a show, go for dinner, meander around the shops, sip on wine by the Thames.

The food is always scrummy, the wine is always good and sometimes the weather is kind.

It’s 30 hours just for us, two stupidly busy people who love each other very much.

This weekend was our weekend. And it was only as I sat in the theatre watching the amazing Stepping Out with Amanda Holden, that I realized how much I simply need my mum.

Two years ago, when my marriage was only just shattered into a thousand pieces, we went away on our annual trip and I remember sobbing through the show, feeling utterly broken by life and Mum said it would all be ok.  She repeated this mantra through the weekend, made me smile, and we had a good tim when all felt quite bleak.

Spiral forward a year and it was a different picture but not much cheerier.  The suddenness of such an enormous life change had dissipated, but the grief that followed felt eternal.  Last year we watched Sheridan Smith smash Funny Girl, but as we laughed out loud, Mum knew all was still not well inside my head.

Anti depressants were tried but weren’t for me, and I felt the weight of her worry that weekend. I struggled to walk in my own shoes comfortably, still not sure who I was and how my life would be.

And now.

Tradition has ensued and we are in London, Stepping Out was amazing show – a must watch for anyone wanting an easy show with a bit of tap.

The story tells a simple tale of seven women and one man who do a Thursday night tap show.  It’s effective, cute and side splitting funny.  Amanda Holden is excellent in her role, but the whole cast do justice to a simple story line that shows how you can escape real life in hobbies.  For a while at least….

The cast was made up of women in their 40’s of all shapes and sizes, all looking fabulous in figure hugging leotards.  It is a show that celebrates difference in life, diversity in size, and it makes you laugh, out loud.  Go see it, trust me, it will make you smile – and possibly want to tap dance….

Mum and I giggled through the performance, hugged at the end, and had a great time.

Sadness didn’t shadow my smile.

Mum didn’t look worried about me.

Talks were of the future, of the kids and how we are all growing.  The wine was drank because it tasted good rather than a crutch being needed.

It felt like times gone by, when my shoes felt easy to move in and although life wasn’t ever perfect it was good.

I realized this weekend, that is where I am now.  For two years Mum has held me up, of course with the support of my Dad, they have carried me through times when I didn’t know my own self.  I knew I have felt so much better in recent months, I just didn’t know that I was completely healed until this weekend.

It has been almost three years on a journey of self discovery, of finding out who is important, who will stick around when I go bat shit crazy.

I couldn’t have found my happiness without my Mum.

This is just a thank you to her, for being my rock.  She may not want the world to know how simply amazing she has been, but I think it is something that should be told.

International Women’s Day has been and gone and Mothers Day is fast approaching, and I want to celebrate the amazing woman who raised me and carried me through the tougher times.

Love as powerful as your mother’s for you, leaves its own mark. – J K Rowling