When death touched me…..

by

I thought yesterday was going to be a normal day, I didn’t know it was going to be one that would shape the rest of my life for ever. I didn’t know that I would face today a new woman with a renewed purpose in life.

Yesterday, I didn’t know that I would almost die.

The evening started well, I arrived home in the early evening dusk, where night has crept in just enough to hide the dust from the day so I don’t become overwhelmed with dismay at returning to a dirty house. Lamps lit the lounge, again casting just enough light to create an comfortable aura and hiding the footprints on the floor and the hand marks on the wall. The children were sleeping and from the kitchen I could smell potatoes baking in their skins and steak frying in the pan.

Walton style I tiptoed into the kitchen and embraced the chef (my husband for those in any doubt) then taking instruction that dinner was almost ready I popped upstairs to freshen up for my meal.

Moments later I sat, feet curled under me on my favourite chair, a tray positioned on my lap with a plate piled high with food delicious enough to throw any self respecting chubby woman off her two day diet. Only one thing was missing, the steak was near perfect but just needed a sprinkle of salt to add to its splendour.

Now I like my steak rare, I was vegetarian for many years and when I turned back to feeding on animals I turned with a vengeance. I love red meat and I like it bloody. He who helped create them knows this and he prepared my meal last night beautifully, it was almost as if he knew it could be my last.

As I rose to fetch the salt to delicately add to my meal I couldn’t resist tearing a piece of succulent rump from my plate and placing it in my mouth. I succumbed to the sin of gluttony and moments later it felt the devil himself was trying to reclaim me for his own.

It was divine, heavenly drops of meat tickled my taste buds and oozed down my throat, till suddenly the oozing stopped, my taste buds jammed and a huge chunk of rare beef lodged in my throat.

I couldn’t breathe, my eyes watered, I panicked, throwing salt everywhere and not evening bothering to sprinkle some over my shoulder I staggered back to he who helped create them clutching my throat whilst my eyes roamed wildly in my head.

“I….. Can’t…. Breathe…” I choked,

This was it, I knew I was off to meet my maker, my life flashed before my eyes, I saw my kids being born, I watched my wedding happen, I saw the first pimple I squeezed and I watched my baby self blow out the candle on my first birthday cake.

He who helped create them rose to his feet making a noise that sounded like a chuckle but I am sure must have been a groan of concern as he saw life as a single parent of three stretch out before him.

“You ok love?” He enquired

“Call…an…ambulance.”. I squeaked, terror rising,

“Hang on.”

And then he saved me, my knight in faded jeans. He swung his arm back and brought it down heavy on my spine causing the lump of beef flavoured anguish to shoot out of my windpipe, up past my tonsils and out of my mouth.

Wasting no time the rabid hound, who had been watching the nights events silently, launched on the semi chewed instrument of death and removed the evidence, swallowing it whole so it could never attack me again.

Shaken I sat down, wiping the tears from my eyes and thought about what could have been.

Then I finished the steak.

It was a bloody good steak, but not quite worth dying for.

48 thoughts on “When death touched me…..”

  2. Oh blimey ! I was waiting for this following last nights tweet – but you do have a fab way with words. Well done and I, for one, am glad you are still alive and blogging x

  3. Wow that Dog bloody adores you! He is the unpaid babysitter and now without any thought for his own safety he attacked and destroyed the evil meat in case it decided to carry on with its murderous intentions! Bravo Doggy. P.S as you know I am a nurse and its a little known fact that chocolate helps people with near death experiences especially when consumed with wine xxx

  6. Too funny – who needs 3 kids to write about when there is just enough material coming from you! xoxoxoxo glad you were well enough and recovered to blog about it. I did wonder the seriousness as you were able to tweet last night! That’s multi-tasking

  7. Very scary isn’t it? The same thing happened to me in the wilderness on the Isle of Mull, miles from any ambulance…only I choked on Kendal Mint Cake. Never ate it again!

  8. Well, as a vegetarian – I can only say; Serves you right. That poor cow.
    Must have been a tough choice – single parenthood and the life insurance policy or getting up and missing a bit of telly – what a gent. X

  12. Bloody hell Jane – what a scary moment for you. I’m only glad that he who helped create them (and the rabid hound) were there to jump to the rescue.

    So glad you finished the steak though – that would be me too 🙂 x

    • if I were a single spinster surrounded by cats I would be dead!

      Or I would have never had the steak that almost killed me so would be very much alive!

      Hmmm a bit paradoxical really!

  15. Scary – hope it doesn’t put you off steak for good. Will we now see a ‘new you’ on the blog? Parachute jumping, risk taking action woman living life like everyday is your last?!

  16. I was veggie for 15 years & now I love my steak rare. My hubby is an excellent chef. A story very well told. I was intrigued to wonder how you would brush with death in such a blissful domestic scene…

  18. He who helped create them is sickeningly multitalented isn’t he.

    Glad you’re okay though..

    And happy to find a fellow former vegetarian who likes their meat almost moving. 15 years… What was I thinking?

  20. Reasons not to get divorced #14 …. I get really annoyed when people don’t whack you on the back when people start coughing! Well done He who helped create them! I hope you made him a cuppa after!

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