got time on yer cock

by

It struck me recently that I have lived in the South almost as long as I have lived in the North.

My accent has all but disappeared barr my steadfast refusal to pronounce bath “barth” and to pronounce grass as “gr” arse.

At times to ensure people realise my northern heritage I go through stages of donning a flat cap and putting the word ‘chuffing’ (or variations of that word) in the middle of every sentence.

The joy about the word ‘chuff’ is it is not a swear word, it is owned exclusively by the folk of Yorkshire. However in order to try and deny my children their true northern roots he who helped create them has tried to re invent the word as a curse term and in turn has banned me from saying it in front of the children.

Hence imagine my secret joy when I overheard Twin Girl declare to Twin Boy this week that his plan to use all of my freshly laundered bedding as a den to be built outside on top of the wet, muddy grass (not ‘gr’arse) was a “chuffin great idea.”

I try and feed the children yorkshire puddings at least three times a week; should we ever move back up north I don’t want them to feel they lived a deprived lifestyle down here in the South.

I also try to retain my true northern self by getting excited whenever I see a Kestrel and I often embarass my southern other half by calling out “fly away home Kes, Billy is looking for you.”

On Pancake Day whilst the Southerners sprinkle sugar and spice and all things nice across their flat yorkshire puddings I teach my kids how to celebrate the proper way and we whip out the gravy granules, flip the pancakes up in the air and have fried flat puddings dripping in rich brown water.

We go out of our way to visit coal mines in holidays and we treat knifes and forks with utter respect. I was born just outside Sheffield; steel is part of my heritage.

I am training Twin Girl to not feel the cold, as when she is older I expect her to show true northern grit when she goes on a night out and to leave her coat on her bedroom floor. Since being in the South I have seen girls barely over the legal drinking age out on a Friday wrapped up with coat, scarf and gloves. I tell you, it was not like that in my day where I come from.

I miss the North.

I miss having breakfast, dinner and tea.

I miss hearing men call each other love without any sexual implication whatsoever.

I really miss hearing men say;

“You got time on yer cock?”

The first time my father said that to his future son in law (he who helped create them) his mouth dropped and his eyes flickered between his crotch and his wrist until I gently reassured him it was a term of endearment not a reference to his manhood.

So any other northerners trapped in the South?

Anything else you miss?

73 thoughts on “got time on yer cock”

  1. Brilliant…I have never heard that phrase in my life and first thought it was a Freudian slip! I love the fact you cherish your roots, but as a southern girl through and through I did leave my coat on the bedroom floor so I am hardcore southern (although temp slightly milder!). Awesome read. xx

  2. Aye up lass, no there is nowt northern about me, I am indeed from Bath (Barth) the way I say it (sorry) and I moved further on down so now when I say I am from Barth (!) they think I am proper posh!!! Which of course I am 😉

    Do I miss anything, it would have to be Barth’s (!) lovely parks and my friends!

    And sorry um gravy on pancakes, what is that all about!!!!

    P.s I am not really sure Northerners say ‘Aye up lass’ but I can say it in a right proper voice!!!

  3. I was born in Sheffield and grew up in Rotherham. Now I’ve recently moved further up north to Durham from Lincoln. But Yorkshire is fab and I miss all the stuff you mentioned. At least I can get a proper fishcake up here 😉 x

  7. I know a man, about 6 ft 5″, who misses his homeland. He would argue that, being from Sheffield, you’re “not a proper Northerner”. He would also argue that any chippy that doesn’t do chips and gravy should be banned. And, finally, he would argue that the word “lush” be outlawed. Now, as a Westcountry girl, this last one fills me with dread. For me, nothing is brilliant unless it’s “gert lush”. I’m willing to do a compromise though – “Chuffin’ gert lush” anyone?

  8. I have been a southerner 4 times longer than a notherner but I still find it really hard to say gr-arse and b-arth. My U’s are still very heavy too and I still spread” butter” instead of “batter” on my toast Stubborn us lot eh? Although I was born on the other side of the Pennines to you I understand I do I do”

  9. I really miss saying breakfast, dinner and tea. I caught myself saying “supper” the other day when I meant tea. When I was growing up, supper was a butter biscuit and a mug of drinking chocolate.

  12. I am constantly correcting my other half, ‘tea’ is dinner – we are down South after all. He keeps telling me not to Mither him (nag) and Tamarta (tomotoes) and I am ssooo proud all 3 of my children say Grr arse (Grass) , Girarph (not giraff) and Barth (not bath)!!! Then I caught him say ‘innit’ – Ahhh bless my South Londoness rubbing off on him 🙂

  13. I LOVE the word chuffs and chuffing and use both myself regularly! 🙂 It has multiple usage – “What the chuff is that?!” “Chuffing ace!”
    I’m Yorkshire born and bred, I love it – where else can you go around calling everyone ‘cock’ as endearment, or duck/hen?!
    As for the lasses out with no coats on – yep. Round here even when it snows they’ll be on a night out with mini skirt, vest top and nothing else, sporting a fetching blue hue to their skin and chattering teeth! 🙂

  14. I have only moved to Wales so more West than South. I miss northern humour. Accompanying my tiny grandma to a supermarket she stood next to a huge freezer, looked down into its depths and said “Hang onto my ankles, love. I’m going in for the peas”.

  16. Brilliant!
    I am a nomad, born in Wales to southern parents who then moved me to lovely Lancashire. You can imagine what my accent is like – very strange! But I do say Bath and Grass – it’s proper!!
    Now I live on the Yorkshire/Lancashire border, married to a Yorkshire man with a son born in Yorkshire. I may not be northern by heritage but by heck do I feel it.
    My Husband is teaching our son not to go out bar’tat and he eats a very northern slice of caaake!!
    Ahh no-ones called me cock for ages! Thanks, you really made me smile!!

  17. Now you see, as a proper northerner (brought up in Northumberland) I get told I’m turning into a southern softie when I go back home. I’ve been in Yorksire for 11 years now & have almost, but not quite and never will totally lose the accent! The thing I love most is how the whole house now says “ah maaaan” when they’ve done something daft. Bring on the north I say!

  18. I’m classed as a Southerner as I live in Newcastle upon Tyne but was born n bred in Doncaster. Trying to keep it real by using ‘chuffin’ as often as possible and I have to admit that although I love my Georidie sons I would’ve liked a bit more of a Yorkshire accent creeping in. Your mentiion of ‘cock’ also made me laugh out loud and brought back fond memories of my Grandad as that’s how he refered to everyone!

  20. Southern through and through here but OH is from just north of the middle and still has certain words that won’t commit to their southern pronunciation. Fab post, reminded me of spending time in Chesterfield where everyone called me me’duck 😀

  22. Hee Hee great, just to let you know my lot always have gravy on their pancakes! Brooke even has them for brekkie on occasion! Now i’m not in the working world my Yorkshireness has crept back in, I hear myself sometimes and have a little giggle to myself! xx

  23. Hi Jane I’ve never commented before but I feel I know you well as I’ve been following your blog for several months – it’s brilliant! I’m a Geordie living on the Isle of Wight, which is about as south as you can get without being French. My daughter has lived down south longer than she has lived up north, but I love that she stubbornly refuses to say ‘barth’ and ‘grarse’. Good lass! I too miss chips and gravy. And no-one understands me when I say ‘howay man’…

  24. Yey!!!! I’m a West Yorkshire lass (from Leeds) ….. Love it! Great to see someone else who says Tea – my OH can’t stand it – always correcting me – says I should say supper. It’s not supper ….. its TEA …. TEATIME !!!

  26. Having been a Northern Girl in Berkshire, I do know how you feel. God the first time I went to a chip shop and asked for a bread bun and scraps, they looked at me as though I was some other planet. But Dinner has always been dinner in my house, not tea here, apart from copious cups of it.

  27. Oooh I was brought up in a town where everyone says Cock!! I lived in the In the South for a while and on occasion people couldn’t understand when I asked for a coke ( “a cork??!”) and laughed at the thought of
    Mushy peas! I am up Norf again and hubby and I argue all the time about barms ( it’s a bloody barm not a teacake!).

  29. Ah how I miss Sheffield. I read this post to my southern-husband and now he keeps going round saying “got the time on yer cock” constantly (he’s already dropped the ‘arse’ from his grass and his family are starting to think about disowning him.) No other part of the country sees people calling each other chicken, or calling a man “love”. Don’t you miss the Henderson’s Relish though? I have to get family to ship crates of the stuff down to me in Hampshire. The weirdest thing is you can buy it from the main supermarket in Perth, Australia, yet you can’t get it in the south of the UK (I was stupidly excited when I was travelling and stumbled upon it)! We still have breakfast, dinner and tea in our house and ‘chips and fish’ rather than fish and chip. The north rocks. Fact. xx

  30. Stop it!! Call yourself a northerner??!! You HAVE to try it. It’s illegal to eat stews (or ‘ash’ as my parents call it), shepherds pie or even spag bol without it. My family all eat it on their chips and fish too (although that’s a bit weird for a northern/southern cross like me.) Next time you’re back up there pick up a bottle – I promise you’ll be addicted. (This comment is not sponsored by Henderson’s – other relish brands are available).

  31. I’m a Lancashire lass living near Mansfield. I do breakfast, dinner and tea, bread rolls not cobs everyone is called love. My children are getting a very strange way of talking depending on who they talk to!!!! I love chip butties, pies are also my favourite. I get told off for the way I say tongue and occasionally come out with a very northern saying at which I get laughed at!!!!! Going up north soon so returning to my roots.

  32. I grew up in Donny and now live in Kent! I miss the North too!! I don’t know if my boys will ever turn into real men if they grow up down ‘ere…

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