ever heard a baboon sing after 3 pints of Guinness…

Did you know I am a little theatrical?

I was born with stardom in my blood.

However owing to technical difficulties that stardom has not transferred itself to my feet or vocal cords meaning that I dance like my father and sing like an off key baboon after he has sunk a few pints of Guinness.

However I didn’t let this small hindrance of being pretty much talentless get in my way and by the time I was nine I had directed and starred in a primary school version of Annie (a friend of mine never quite forgave me for casting her as the dog). At fourteen I won the Derbyshire Miners Campsite Search for a Star competition with a heart breaking (and glass smashing) rendition of Elaine Page and Barbara Dixon’s “I know him so well” (I sang both parts) and at sixteen I took the lead in Grease and sung and danced badly in front of all my peers.

I am an exemplary example that if you try hard enough you can do anything regardless of ability. Jedward hold me up as their idol!

However as age has taken its hold on me and I have become more self aware I have decided to retire from the limelight, to let the younger generation have a turn. Twin Girl is following fast in my footsteps, she has poor rhythm and vocally is a little, well, shall we say; flat! But she has a bundle of determination so I predict great things for her.

Still I miss the stage, my toes itch to be near the boards and my fingers long to be “jazz hands”.

To fulfil my longing I have become a voyeur, a spectator of the arts as it were and this week my needs were fulfilled as I visited London Town to watch Wicked at the Victoria Apollo.

I don’t often gush, but it was quite possibly one of the best musicals I have seen (and I have seen a lot.)
The clever storyline guarantees you will never watch the Wizard of Oz in the same way again and you will think twice before dropping your 3 bedroom semi on another Witches head.

The singing is at a level even I would struggle to compete with; although if they asked I would give it a crack, and the set is stunning.

You may notice I can’t praise it enough, and massive thanks to Think Jam for sending us tickets to attend.

It has however relit my fire for singing and dancing so I offer my heartfelt apologies to all those who encounter me over the next week.

Now where did I leave my microphone….