Do you regret having children?

by

It seemed like such a good idea at the time.

We spoke about it in-depth and made a conscious decision to go for it knowing that it would enrich our lives.

Don’t get me wrong it has had its benefits, we have had some wonderful moments but really if you sit down and write a list of pro’s and con’s the con’s seem to come out on top.

For example; a definite pro of having children is that overwhelming rush of love that consumes you the moment you give birth.  It is indescribable, your whole body tingles with the sensation of sheer adoration as this tiny little being (or two in my case)  steals your heart and soul relentlessly.

But then the con’s begin, to be honest when you first sat cradling that little person did you allow your brain to forward track a couple of years?  Picture the scene, you are in Tesco’s, it is busy, hundreds of people fill the aisles looking for the best deals on milk, beans and cheese, the undercurrent of noise is present, the hum of the freezers, the clink of the wine bottles as they hit the trolley, the murmurings of shoppers reciting their lists. 

Suddenly a scream that can pierce sound barriers emerges from the sweetie aisle, you knew you shouldn’t have traveled that route but it was Great Auntie Marge’s birthday and she loves her Licorice Allsorts.  However the little bundle of joy you created two years before is having issues accepting the word ‘no’ and to demonstrate their unhappiness with the world they are currently body popping on their back down the aisle, grabbing at bag’s of Jelly Babies and sending packets of Malteasers flying through the air.  The feeling of shame heats your body like a bunsen burner as you hear the crowd gathering whispering ‘spolit, brat,’ and ‘just give her the bloody sweets  to stop that flipping noise.’ 

Nothing sticks in your memory like childbirth except the memory of the first public tantrum.

Fast forward again, first day at nursery school.  Pride inflates you like a helium balloon, as you take your little person who is filled with anticipation gently mixed up with a tiny bit of fear to the school gates, you pause to wipe away the sob that has been forming all morning.  As you leave them alone, clutching at the teachers hand, you return to a quiet house and suddenly all you can think to do is look back through photo albums and post pictures of the mornings tremendous events to facebook.

A truly momentous moment; one that is only matched in memory by the time you were called to collect your child from a school birthday party because they had an ‘accident’.  Upon arrival at the party you discover that the mother was being discreet on the phone and actually the ‘accident’ was a bowel movement of tremendous proportions and had involved someone elses parent picking up your child’s pebbles from the floor.

You remember the warm fuzzy feeling of excitement when they took their first steps, and I presume you also recall the first time they used those legs to run away from you in anger.

The first time they said they loved you?  and oh yes the first time they said they hated you and left a door slam stinging in your face.

The first time they kissed you?  quickly followed by the first time they wee’ed on you during a nappy change.

Pro’s and con’s people, pro’s and con’s.

So really in reflection if one was to make a objective decision on having children they may want to read this to know all the facts, odds are they would probably come to the same decision, as it seems no matter how bad the con’s are, how much they can shame you and break your heart, the all-consuming feeling of love remains and seems to leave most of us going back for more.

Bloody fools we are!

If you have enjoyed (!) this post today, can I ask you also to read this post. thanks

 

 

 

37 thoughts on “Do you regret having children?”

  1. In the small hours after spending what seemed like ages getting a crying baby back to sleep – and unable to return to that blissful state myself – I tweeted that maybe, just maybe, Philip Larkin got it right.

    I don’t always think that way!

  3. Your blogs always bring a little snippet of laughter and joy to my day! It sure is a life of extremes. I love your phrase, ‘pride inflates you like a helium balloon’. I’ve had a few moments this week where I’ve felt that, had a proper intake of breathe. You have described it perfectly. Oh and of course I have heard the moments where I’m sure they was actually steam pouring out of ears as the world turned red around me!

  4. Brilliantly put. The great thing about blogs is that you see the other side of parenting, usually so well concealed by serene public smiles that I thought I was the only one to feel all of the above. I’ve often thought I should like a parallel life: I wouldn’t surrender my children, but I’d appreciate an alter ego in a minimalist loft apartment banging a fist on a board room table and having quiet suppers at Nobu. My main motive for having kids was the loneliness you detect in older people who never had them and the fear of a sense of purposelessness if I were to lie on my deathbed knowing I left nothing but my Doris Day collection and a wardrobe of tweeds behind me. Grandparenting is the thing. We must hold out for that!

  5. I have always felt that children are our parents revenge – they always tell you how wonderful you were when growing up, the funny things that happened and the love that they felt towards you. Only when you have your own child and that first tantrum in the supermarket happens do you realise that actually you did exactly the same to your parents when you were two – their revenge was not to tell you about it! I was actually asked by a supermarket assistant to remove myself and said screaming child from the supermarket as we were ‘disturbing’ other shoppers! Mortified was not the word – but bless them, you never stop loving them! Your words had me giggling all the way through – and brought back sooooo many memories – yes, probably a lot more cons than pros!

    • Oh mrs, that is embarrassing, mine have yet to disgrace me to the point of being asked to leave… however one did poop himself at a party so swings and roundabouts and all that.

  6. Yes I can totally relate to this ……. the cons do weigh out the pros but its the love that keeps you going. It is such hard work and quite frankly very boring work at times. I think Western Society sells a lie when it comes to the ‘joys of parenting’ and there should be more honesty when it comes to the woes. Thankgoodness for the honesty of blogging. And yes, there have been times I have regretted my decision to become a parent if I am really honest …. this does not mean I love LIttle A any less … I think its important to be very honest about your feelings and my regret I feel is bound up with the grief of losing the life I once enjoyed (and took for granted).

    • life eh,

      I remember that.

      When you could pop to the shops without tieing children into car seats, when you could pop out for last orders with your other half without waiting for the police to discover you have abondoned the children…..

  7. I am guilty of times these same thoughts. As a sahd I have had my share of moments. I would not trade it for anything, but at times would trade anything for some me time.

  11. Haha, great post! I spent the first 18 months after having my second child in a state of shock wondering what the hell had I done! Then I reminded myself that I made my bed & had better suck it up or else spend of my life miserable. I haven’t looked back since and am really enjoying it now. I think the key to happy parenting is being able to send them somewhere else at regular intervals so that you can have some peace & having a life totally outside of being a mummy, a luxury for many of us, especially the single parents out there.

    x

  12. My son decided to give me lots of kisses today after doing a poo of what can only be described as biblical proportions. I like to think it’s appreciation; really I know it’s manipulation so I’ll deal with his poos next time.

  13. This post compliments the one I wrote this evening like a cup of tea and a chocolate digestive. It’s all about the pro’s. That cheeky smile and giggle has to make everything else worth it…

  14. We’ve had the wee and kisses so far. And the other day he started public tantrums every time I tried to put him in a car seat; cue stuff as a board and top of lungs screaming. I await the poo being picked up by someone else with hand-wringing trepidation. *rocks gently*

  16. Brilliant post. No matter how many tantrums, screaming and embarassment they cause, just the little smile, giggle and cuddle makes you forget it all. Well, for about a second when they start again. Then they grow up and you think awww, how cute were they as a baby, lets have another. Then the realisation hits again! x

  18. Lovely post, my husband and I were discussing the ups and downs last week, we decided that no matter what toddlerdom throws at us, it will likely be nothing compared to the teen years and at least at the tender age of almost two, we know where out tot is at all times. So, no regrets, but I am already polishing up my tin hat for ten or so years time!

Comments are closed.