saying goodbye to dental floss knickers…

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It was my five year wedding anniversary recently. I know instantly this raises the question of how do I have two six year olds?

I feel duty bound to confess that I was guilty of biting the apple of seduction before I ensnared he who helped create them into making me his lawful wife.

The consequence being that the apple’s seed got wedged in my tummy and grew into two bouncing babes in nine short months. Meaning he who helped create them had to follow through and get down on bended knee pretty sharpish before my Dad chased after him with a shotgun.

The theme for surviving the institute of marriage for five years is wood,
for our anniversary he who helped create them got me a beautiful tree; . I followed a similar train of thought and bought him a card which I believe was produced from a tree; somewhere…

I spoke to a single friend recently about life “on the market” and there are things you forget when you have been tied down for a number of years.

The conversation forced me to remember a time when I had been with my other half for a significant period and I felt things were close to progressing to the next level.

Preparing for our dates took an immense amount of time and planning. Hairs were yanked mercilessly from all parts of my body and I covered every inch of myself in luxurious creams and lust enhancing scents. Underwear consisted of cleavage lifting brasseries and dental floss knickers, I even tried for a time to master the art of suspenders but put an end to that nonsense after one particularly embarrassing incident involving a loud snapping noise and an instant nora batty effect. My make up was done in front of a mirror and my shoes were polished. The whole preparation took hours to perfect and clearly it worked as I have my man.

But fast forward five years and time has told a different tale. Preparing now for a ‘date’ with my husband normally consists of switching from PJ’s to jeans and squirting deodorant in the air around me. Those dental floss knickers aren’t even worth using as dusters and I recently mistook a suspender belt for an elastic band with tussles. The lust enhancing scent is now locked in a cupboard for fear of it leading to child number four and hair removal has been banned for much the same reason.

Some days I really feel for he who helped create them….

38 thoughts on “saying goodbye to dental floss knickers…”

  1. I’m discovering you can find nice underwear which is still practical (because let’s face it everything has to be practical these days) so maybe all is not lost? My husband didn’t have this great lingerie introduction which yours did. We first got together 17 years ago when we were students and students do not think about stuff like nice underwear (maybe they do these days) I was a scruffy mess back then so you could say I’ve improved (wasn’t difficult).

  2. I too am ‘guilty’ of having a child who is older than my marriage – I secretly (though less so now I’ve typed it here) quite like the fact.

    I managed to keep up the dainty undies and smooth skin thang until I became a mum. My husband doesn’t say much about it, I don’t think he minds too much. It is me who minds, but I never a. have spare dosh to replenish the dainties b. spare time to remove the fuzz – paining a pretty picture aren’t I!!!

  4. Haha, I will not be married until next year but have been with my partner for 7 years and 3 children. I too am guilty of being fuzzier than I once was, and cleavage enhancing underwear has been replaced by supportive nursing bras. And make-up? What’s that?
    I try and make an effort when I get time… but spare time is a rare thing around here!

  7. I so know what you mean, I feel sorry for my boy too sometimes. It occurred to me last summer that I spent more time making myself all ready and hair-free for sitting next to absolute strangers on a beach than I did for him. I think we all need to check ourselves sometimes and make even a smidge of an effort. And that includes boys too…

  9. Brilliant post. I realised recently that it’s been 5 years since I wore mine. CK shorties for me now. 🙂

  11. Ah, the dental floss knickers… Why the hell did we EVER wear them? I mean, unless you had the body of a 14 year old they always left unattractive marks (on me, anyway). Must confess to having used them as ‘stunt pants’ on occassion – you know, whipping into the loo, making a quick change, and then heigh presto, look what sexy underwear I have! (There’s a whole post in there but as my now ensnared husband reads my blog, best not, I think…)

  12. If I wore my dental floss knickers now I *may* resemble a sumo wrestler which is probably not what OH is looking for in a woman. Laughing at you again, thank you! x

  14. I am married (childless) and ostensibly *could* put in lots of effort, but the dental floss knickers were eschewed in favour of belly warmers once I realised that I didn’t have to pay out £15 for a pair, walk around with £14.50 worth of them trapped between my cheeks any more. Viva la 5 year marriage!

  15. My fella and I have survived 10 years and two children, but have yet to tie the knot. GASP! Technically, we’re ‘engaged’ since OH dropped to one knee on Xmas Day 2010, but my response was ‘Get up you doofus’. Does it surprise you to hear that we haven’t spoken about it since? As for sexy underwear – Pfffft! I find it hard enough to change out of my jogging bottoms these days. xx

  16. After 2 kids (both of them outside of marriage, gasp!) I’m pretty certain that my big pants look waaay sexier than the string ones that just end up wedged in painful places. Big pants FTW 🙂

  17. First time reading, love this post! My partner looks surprised when he sees that I’m wearing make-up. Ah well, a small price to pay for giving him a son 🙂

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