Dear Estate Agent,
Our relationship feels like that of a badly arranged marriage. Neither of us were sure if we wanted it, and now we have been thrown together we both want out.
But we are stuck together, till completion do us part.
I have tried to talk to you, but you don’t return my calls. I have tried to see you but now we are “under offer” you don’t come home anymore.
I know understand when you say “it’s moving along nicely” you mean “please stop calling” and when you say “it’s with the solicitors now” you mean “please stop calling”.
At first you were charming, you flattered me about my sense of interior design, you complimented my cleanliness, you made me feel special. I believed you when you said my bathroom mould was becoming and my hand printed wall homely. You seduced me with words, the other agents wouldn’t understand me you said, they wouldn’t describe the garden as wild and free-flowing like you were they would only see weeds. You charmed me in the bedroom with a wink of your eye and you swept you arm around the room saying ‘I will show people the Master Bedroom as spacious, airy and a place to unwind.’ I heard only the implication of lust and basic desire and at the time I may have broken out into a light sexy sweat.
I knew there was a price but for that level of care one percent seemed like nothing to pay.
Now as my calls go unanswered a couple of grand seems close to exhortation.
Did you come back one day when I wasn’t here? Did you let yourself in silently armed with flowers and wine and found my home in its true state with knickers drying on radiators and last nights tea in the sink? Did you see the dodgy carpet stain I tried to cover with a rug, did you notice the dog like to slobber on the sofa?
Why, Why, Why?
I implore you – please return my call…
Love,
Mrs Blackmore – but do call me Jane.
It took my parents five months to sell their house. I came to know every detail of their estate agent – even down to his taste in ties. Hurry and move nearer us before we end up moving away ourselves! x
do not move!
Can I say I actually envy you – Under offer how lovely 🙂 My Dear Estate Agent goes a little differently. I think I did one back in April just before I got ‘fired’ by them for being too demanding, moi??!!!
Yep you just got to love them don’t you?!!! Sorry any nice,good and honest estate agents out there, actually if there is any out there can you give us a call 😉
I see no one has responded to this….. 🙂
Oh bugger 🙁 Not on your Christmas list then me dear? I hope the money grabbing charmer calls you back soon and considers you SOLD so you you can end this relationship soon.
makes me sound nice and sellable
Maybe you should set Twin boy on him. Just a thought. 😉
I like this idea
Oh no, sorry to hear your estate agent is playing hard to get. Definitely set the boy on him…and the girl. Oh and let the dog slobber him too 😉
xx Jazzy
the dog – bless the dog!
made me laugh!
Good xxxx
Oh this reminds me of my fridge post, though that was lacking any sexy sweating 🙂 I’d mention the company on twitter: that usually gets people moving, which is what you want to do of course!
to be fair they have got better! xxx
Great to hear you are, I meant your house, is under offer. Bah to estate agents, and how dare he toy with your affections so!
I feel abused! x x x x
Oh dear. Good luck getting hold of them. xxx
Thanks 🙁
basic error – never trust an estate agent.
am here if you ever need to talk. trust me you are worth more.
than 1%?