I won’t lie to you, the journey to Cornwall was pretty horrendous. It’s a long way and it felt longer still because the car DVD players had died a few weeks before and owing to financial strife they had yet to be replaced.
Now to all you prats who are thinking, ‘in my day we didn’t have TV’s in cars, we played games and spot the cow and eye spy.”. May I remind you in your day cracking a child up the jacksy was also socially acceptable as was a clip round the ear and a ruler across the palm. Hence why eye spy could sedate a car journey of children for hours as whinging, whining, fighting simply meant the car would screech to a halt on the hard shoulder and an arm would yank the offending child out the car, spank them on the arse and fasten them back in without a word being spoken.
The threat of the naughty step just doesn’t cut it on a long journey and the car isn’t big enough for a Jo Frost style elaborate reward chart.
Hence en route to cornwall I spent much of the journey thinking of ways to kill myself and trying to stop he who helped create them from killing himself.
Highlights including twin boy and twin girl re enacting female mud wrestling and BB cheering them on with a screech of anguish with every hair pull or knuckle rap.
The sugary sweets were a mistake, I see that now, Twin Girls energy levels rose to such extremity that even her eye sight became super sonic and she could apparently spot yellow cars several miles away. This in turn invoked more hair yanking from Twin Boy as his dislike of jelly sweets meant he didn’t share this advantage.
Driving through the country set off Twin Boy’s nose and one particularly violent sneeze left he who helped create them and the windscreen covered in snot. The upside of this being that I laughed till I cried when He who helped create them punched me in the arm in disgust.
The phrase; “are we nearly there yet” still haunts my dreams and I am not sure Twin Girl will ever forget me turning in my seat, face as red as a plum after she asked for the 4000th time, and screeching “we are fecking hours away girl, read the bloody sign.”
After that comment I silently folded the application for Tesco’s Mum of the Year and slid in back into my handbag to finish another time.
Can’t wait for the return trip…
Hee hee have just bought an ipad holder for the car to entertain the boy after we could no longer cope with his high pitched screaming all the way back from our lovely day at the animal sanctuary. I feel your pain!
I pad holder! Pah! You are very posh x x
The phrase; “are we nearly there yet” still haunts my dreams and I am not sure Twin Girl will ever forget me turning in my seat, face as red as a plum after she asked for the 4000th time, and screeching “we are fecking hours away girl, read the bloody sign.”
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time for the above paragraph alone!
Glad I made you laugh x
Pre- DVD and DS days I tried eye spy and spot the red cars and a gazillion other games, all of which regularly took my eyes off the road, so the health and safety police should really ban them completely. And I have done the naughty step on the side of the road – it’s called a kerb! It was either that or risk a ruptured spleen from the kicks coming through from the back seat!
No kerb on sodding motorway 🙁
you had me laughing from “Now to all you prats….” hahahahahaha! that told them! we also get asked are we nearly there yet, even when we’re going 5 minutes to Tesco. Grrrrr.
Are we nearly there yet! Are we nearly there yet?
Ah but was it worth the pain now you’re here in Cornwall??
Will be time Sunday x
Not sure your trying hard enough with I spy. Secondly, remember going aboard without children? Remember how it was socially acceptable – no expected to drink in the bar before boarding. No matter what time your flight? GIN for Jane. Childcare and driving for HWHCT. Do you need any more top tips?
Now I find its socially acceptable to drink all day…
I laughed out loud at the sugary sweets bit. I’m not sure if that was the right thing to do.
Always a bad idea rosie!
Am just about to pull together my monthly travel round-up for BritMums. This is so going in!!
Hurrah!
I tend to find that packing a large bottle of Gordon’s works well; both to relieve my in car stress at extreme journeys but also to knock the kids out when WWIII breaks out on the rear seat. Failing that we have also resorted to taking the mother in law away with us just to sit in the back seat and put up with the incesssant whining that ineveitably starts on long journeys. Hope you have a lovely time in Cornwall.
You are wise! X
Oh joyous memories of the days when smacking was acceptable and restraining children with seat seat belts was a weird futuristic ideal. Traveling in the passenger foot well was prime position, singing “999 green bottles…” and playing I spy with my little eye something beginning with r.
Top tip, sleep in shifts, travel at night while the little darling snooze arrive in time for picnic breakfast on the beach, for older children record school revision, guaranteed to induce torpor x
LOL x.
SO jealous 😉
Sorree!
Sounds like every journey for us even if it’s only 5mins. I absolutely refuse to buy new DVD players after they broke the last ones after only 2 trips (heaven whilst it lasted)!! x
Prats – now that there is a word that needs to used more!!!
I feel your pain – we did bloody France…..still having nightmares
Prats! Best word in blog thus far x
I keep almost booking a holiday to Turkey and keep stopping myself…how to entertain a toddler for 5 hours???
Whenever we go on holiday with my daughter and grand children I am eternally grateful that I am not in their car.
Mandy
Probably not the best post to read the day before our drive to Cornwall!
Whoops