Its inevitable isn’t it. We just ate brunch at my parents home up north and have managed to pile ourselves, the dog, half of argos, some of Mothercare and a lot of toys r us in the car in order to undertake the excruciatingly painful drive back south when twin girl declares ‘I need a poo’.
We are six miles from my mothers house, twin girl is buried in the back of the car behind a German Shepherd, a baby seat with real sleeping baby inside and a bag full of rather tasty food that I just pilfered from my mothers cupboards.
We initially attempted the ignore and hope it will go away parenting technique.
Please note this ‘technique’ is never used on twin boy. Should twin boy ever declare he needs a poo whilst we are in the car emergency actions are instantly put into force. He who helped create them applies instant hard pressure to the brakes and I catch the dog as she goes sailing towards the windscreen. Twin boy un plugs his seat belt whilst wiggling manically and screaming ‘its coming, its coming.’ He who helped create them and I then pause to have a little row about whose fault this is. This part is crucial to the process if not the event would not be half as stressful.
Then one parent (well me) leaps out of the car and grabs twin boy who often has trousers round his ankles at this point and then procedes to contort his body into the popular sitting on a chair but there is nothing there yoga position whilst manoeuvring own body to ensure falling poo does not attach itself to own clothes. Poo is then picked up by hand in carrier bag and disposed off in most hygienic way.
So actually although it is frustrating and mildly annoying that twin girl has chosen this moment to decide to drop a literal bomb it could always be worse…it could be her brother.
The story ends with a dash into MacDonalds ten minutes later after twin girl refuses to ignore us ignoring her, we then had an amusing chat in the toilet with twin girl asking what this place with the golden M is.
However beautiful baby is wide awake again and we have 200 miles to cover. Anyone want to trade places….
Very funny and no right now do not want to trade places. Oh dear! Reminds me of being stuck on the motorway and a little boy in the car in front literally pooed out of the window. At least that didn’t happen with you guys. Happy days and love the fact your kids don’t know what McDonald’s is. Long may it stay that way.
Just panicked a little: was that us? Nope don’t think so.
Twin boy remembers macdonalds from a birthday party last year and now when he has chicken nuggets he proudly declares he is on macdonalds farm! I don’t think he quite gets it.
I must confess that I was hoping it was one of the twins & not you!
The day I blog about my own poo is the day I stop blogging!
Haha that’s just fabulous. I’ve not had to deal with child needing a poo yet (mainly because it comes of it’s own accord, and rather than telling us, she just lets us smell it). We have had to deal with projectile sick though – and had to deal with the putrid post-sick-but-can’t-get-the-smell-off odour all the way back from France to England which included an 8 hour drive and a ferry crossing.
Delightful.
I have sick in car smell, my advice to you would be to sell the car, that smell with never leave you!
What happened after that 5 minutes was over? Go forth comrade.
Its been a long three hours!
I hope the rest of your journey goes well. This is the first year in 11 we havent had a long drive to face, 7 of those with kids and half a shopping center. Our youngest seems to have this thing about poo’s, within 10 minutes of being out of the door, even if he has been forced to do one on the toilet before leaving, he always cries I need a poo and is hopping around holding his bum. Its unbeleivable, without fail it happens, I am now wondering if it is an anxiety thing or something. Luckily we can sometimes ignore, other times the cries become a bit too insistent and when in the middle of homebase or marks and spencers with others looking at you, we have to act! Hope you had a nice christmas, happy New Year SLM x
oh my lord, twin boy holds his backside as well!
it’s all about the tools, we have the portable Potty in the car just in case, and yes I would make 6 year old use it in an emergency and hope the little bags aren’t too small. But I am quite strict on the whole, I don’t care if you only went to the toilet a few minutes ago and that you don’t feel like you need to go, go and sit on the loo just in case.
we tried that still the poo wasnt ready
Love this post. It resonates so closely with me and my lot it’s almost scary. Hope the rest of the journey was less eventful and damn those kids and their inconvenient poo stops. Xxxx
I feigned sleep for rest of journey!
Oh, this made me choke on my tea! You actually induce out-loud laughing, not always appropriate laughing, but out-loud all the same!
my life is not always appropiate!
How about next year you drive down in 2 cars? Make sure you take car with all prezzies in and he can have car with kiddies in!!! X
like your thinking
what a fabulous idea!
Somewhere in the middle of a wooded picnic area in France there is a non-recyclable John Lewis carrier bag full of poo….. (not mine, I hasten to add)
Hope the rest of the journey was plain sailing I am dreading these days. Also what is it about boys and poo when they say they need a poo it is instant why is that? xx
poo and boys not a good combo!
Doesn’t it always happen like that in the car. It is soooo frustrating when they need the toilet a few minutes after you set off.
Been in this position myself, very frustrating!!
CJ xx
why is it that boys always leave it to the last second and girls are more aware? Maybe women are just more anally retentive?
This is brilliant!!! I know that sitting on a chair that isn’t there pose!!! have just been howling with laughter- thank you!!
XxX
classic mummy yoga