Last week was eventful, and the continuing proof that life often throws at me that one day never determines the next, emotionally speaking.
Wednesday left me feeling raw, to say the least. A hip check up for the small one, (now 14….) confirmed what we probably knew already, more surgery is due, and the 3 operations she has entertained in her few years on this earth haven’t worked.
Cue another general aesthetic, (my kids have had so many of these that I have lost the ability to count what number we are on), another 4 day stay at the NHS hotel, another 12 weeks on crutches.
Then she will learn to walk again, for the fourth time.
Honestly, I want to take my positive mindset and hurl it into the ocean. I want to howl at the moon. I want to declare it simply isn’t fair, as it isn’t for so many people, I don’t want my brave, feisty, (sassy) young teen to have to endure anymore pain on her body. We just want healthy hips, a gift that has never been afforded to her.
But – and I feel better for writing it down. Life has shown me, quite forcibly, that howling at the moon achieves sweet feck all. However a change in mindset can be quite effective.
I cling to words a good friend of mine shared from the mouth of her sister when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
Instead of asking why me, I ask why not me…..
These words I will repeat until my soul is at peace.
As mentioned, last week was eventful, and as soon as the coldness of Wednesday eased into Thursday, the week immeasurably picked up. My elder pair walked into their respective school and college as A level students and walked out as University undergraduates.
The joy of being a twin mum came into play, as I physically tried to be in two places for the grand opening of the envelope that contained their futures. I failed, clearly, however did manage to evade a speeding ticket…
Then my heart exploded as they got the grades, after doing the work, they have secured places in their chosen Universities.
I could not be more proud.
And heartbroken.
It’s a curious feeling, and am sure all parents feel the same. I am almost giddy with excitement about their upcoming years at Uni, their chance to live their lives, grow, travel, become independent. I want it all for them.
But, at the same time, my house is going to fall so silent, two of my three musketeers will depart in a month. Whilst trying to live in the moment, I can sense how much I am going to miss them. From the unmade beds, to the shouts up and down the stairs, to the chats, the laughs and the endless games of cards…
The future I knew was coming, that I want for them, is now upon me, and it stings of all the emotions, with the overriding one being ecstatically proud of the pair of them.
But if anyone wants to slip in my diary up until Christmas-all visitors gratefully recieved!
On to the next chapter…