without children

Without children, where would I be?

If I didn’t have children I would never have known that the early bird doesn’t really catch the worm. No, the early bird just keeps on and on until the fat old lazy bird who desperately wants to stay asleep stumbles out of her nest to sort out putting the worm in a bowl and adding warm milk.

Without children I would never have discovered that blu tack cannot be removed from carpet once it has been firmly hammered in by Buzz Lightyears shoe; or that Dulux extra strong washable wall paint is useless against five year old twins when they have been gardening without gloves.

Without children I would never be able to appreciate the convenience of nipping into M and S on the way home from work and thinking nothing of buying a meal for two with a bottle of wine for twenty quid. Now with three of the blighters and one monthly income twenty quid is almost half of the Aldi weekly shopping budget and M and S food is almost as extravagant as going to Claridges once was.

Without children I would never have known how lucky I was to have once had a stomach that didn’t look like a road map and didn’t wobble when I laugh. And without children I wouldn’t have never exposed my breasts in Starbucks without a great deal of cider inside my nice plain hard tummy.

Without children I would have never sampled a Thomas Cook all inclusive holiday where I discovered Bingo really can be fun and queueing for your dinner is fine so long as the kids are happy.

Without children I would never have rediscovered jelly and ice cream, or have realised the extra thrill of adding smarties to the top. Nor would I have had the pleasure of riding ‘Fairytale Brook’ at Legoland in excess of thirty times in one year.

Without children I would never have known the absolute unconditional love that binds a mother to her babies.

Without children – well life simply wouldn’t be as much fun.