3 years of diabetes and counting or when I fecked up (Big Time)

Three years ago today I took my daughter to the doctors because she had thrush, she looked shocking, and she was wetting the bed – up to six times a night.

It was Halloween, I wanted a treat, but the trick was my six-year-old little lady was actually harbouring a gremlin inside her, a monster that feasted on her pancreas for lunch and left her sugared up and terribly ill.

Life has never been the same since.

But every year we celebrate this day, whilst the rest of the world dress up as Ghouls and Goblins, myself and my trio go away, we holiday, I post on Facebook about the pride in my daughter, at some point I stifle a sob as I remember the diagnosis and the thousands of injections since.

But we celebrate,

This year we find ourselves in Orgio Mare Village Club, as guests of Pierre & Vacances, on the Island Of Fuerteventura. It is a children’s’ paradise, with a water park on site, plus countless pools.

All you can eat buffets, kids clubs, nightly entertainment. The kids are happy – so therefore so am I, unless I am being forced onto another water slide, hoping my bosom remains contained within my bikini.

We have hung like Bats in the park….

Competed at Kids club, in the mini marathon (and came second!)

The fun has been none stop, Orgio Mare is an ideal destination for families with kids who want to relax and enjoy some sunshine.

The days are glorious, the evenings spent eating and drinking whilst the kids are kept busy, it couldn’t be a better spot for the smalls ones.

But as the title of the post suggests, I fecked up on this holiday. And like most things, when I feck up, I do it to the best of my ability.

Before we flew out, I packed the usual ridiculous amount of diabetic kit. Until you live with a kid with a chronic illness, you have no idea how much shite you need to carry around. Until you live with a kid with a chronic illness, you don’t realise how much your perception of normal changes.

The list looked a little like this….

Insulin Pens

Insulin

More insulin

Spare insulin pump batteries

Cannula Inserter

These funny tubes we need for the insulin

Insulin

Needles

Sweets for hypos

Glucagon pen

Glucose for bad hypos

Test Strips

Ketone Strips

Spare handset

Spare Ketone meter

Spare batteries for the ketone meter

CGM

CGM sensors

Biscuits

Finger pricker

Spare finger pricker

Needles for finger pricker

Letters to give us permission to travel with all of the above.

The bag took up an entire hand luggage allowance.

For the eagle eyed amongst you with experience of Type One – you will see what I forgot.

Cannulas – I forgot bloody cannulas, the vital bits of equipment needed to connect my daughters insulin pump to her body. Without cannulas’ the pump doesn’t work, without the pump – my daughter cannot live.

Let me tell you the moment I realised….

Was not a good moment.

I cried, instantly. So furious at myself, so angry that I had actually put my daughter’s life in danger, so exhausted at this bloody horrible illness. Cross with my own blase approach. I hadn’t even googled the nearest hospital.. For a moment all I saw was despair, and a realisation that Tesco’s Mum of the Year was never coming knocking on my door.

The my daughter calmed me.

Its ok Mummy, I can always inject again, like I used to.

When I secured funding for an insulin pump for my daughter I made her the promise that she would never have to inject a needle into her body again. As I took the needle from its packet, screwed in the insulin, and placed into my daughters stomach, all I could help think was how I had failed her.

But again, my beautiful, forthright, opinionated little girl has amazed me. She has injected over 20 times this holiday since the day I forgot, she says it doesn’t hurt, she is relishing not wearing a pump, she thinks she prefers this style of diabetes management. She has not made me feel guilty once.

I don’t know whether she is appeasing me or being honest, but either way it is making me feel better, and like I can manage this disease that claimed my kid for its own.

Three years on, we are still fighting, still hoping for a cure, and still fecking up every now and then….

Happy Halloween