Benjamin Franklin once said…..
A ship under sail and a big-bellied woman, are the handsomest two things that can be seen common
birth
Plaiting one’s pubes….
In recent years I have slightly misled my children. Avoiding the whole conversation about where babies come from and how they actually trundle down the birth canal has always been a focus of mine and he who helped create them.
When BB was born, twin girl was full of awkward questions but was easily fulfilled by a quick glimpse of the bandage on my stomach and was happily comforted in the knowledge that babies were simply lifted from your tummy and then a doctor glued you together again.
Miscarriage: A Crack in My Heart….
The day I missed a miscarriage…
It was 2009, it was a Friday, the weather was unremarkable, neither hot nor cold with no wind to blow the petals off the roses in the garden.
I was almost thirteen weeks pregnant with my third baby, I had turned a corner and left the exhaustion, the nausea and the love affair with my toilet bowl behind in the first trimester.
thing they dont tell you at your ante-natal class
Things they don’t tell you at your antenatal class.
1. Midwives are not care bears who will automatically adore you and want to make your labour as pain free as possible. They are underpaid, overworked women who dislike being swore at on a daily basis. Be nice to them and they may get you the good drugs.
2.However though be aware when it comes to drugs, petherdine will make you look like you are on crack.
Mummy, will you always wee yourself now?
Since beautiful baby has arrived she has managed to achieve quite a lot. She has completely ruined my figure, (clearly it was she who had a craving for pizza not me) she has managed to get me to expose my breasts to the postman, the milkman, and very nearly my father-in-law. She has also managed to reduce me (a cynical, sarcastic almost middle aged woman) to an over enthusiastic, baby gurgling, obsessed mummy. Seriously if you come within 50 yards of the house I will entice you into the front room and insist that you spend hours looking at the 500 photos we have taken so far and then force you to stare at her whilst contorting your features into various expressions in order to make her smile, I will also force you to endure listening to me talking in baby speak and my personal favourite talking through the baby to you; i.e. ‘so does mummy’s friend want a cuddle, does she, oh yes she does.’